Lady Glues Herself to the Court During an NBA Game, Because That's How You Save Chickens

NBA fans were recently served a treat in the form of an animal rights revolution.

Or, at least, an attempted one.

Personally, I don’t understand the majority of protests. In most cases, there seems a colossal divide between the actions of the activists and the change they hope to enact.

Cases in point:

How to Save the Planet: During Brexit Debate, Climate Activists Glue Themselves to Parliament. Naked.

And:

‘Cause it’s the Best Way to Convince People: Ahead of the Dem Debate, Climate Change Radicals Suspend Themselves from a Bridge

From the latter’s coverage:

Pro tip: Any activism that involves glue or orifices to the south of the mouth is a FAIL (but congrats to Parliament’s anti-Brexiters for managing to combine the two — touché).

In Houston, this week’s radicals did manage to avoid adhesive and genitals, but there was still something dangling: Their whole bodies.

Those convinced the best way to sell the world on saving itself is to hang from a bridge — because that’s the oldest trick in the book when it comes to winning an argument — got busy changing everyone’s minds Thursday. …

Ahead of the city’s impending Democratic presidential primary, about a dozen activists suspended themselves from the Fred Hartman Bridge in order to fight the use of fossil fuels.

As a further means of really sockin’ it to modernity, the difference-making dingleberries held yellow and red flags.

Apropos of sticky stories, at Tuesday’s NBA tournament game between the Minnesota Timberwolves and the Los Angeles Clippers, an audience member took to the court.

Her idea: Glue herself to its floor.

The innovative angle: Doing so would save animals.

From Fox News:

The woman, identified as Alicia Santurio, is a member of the animal activist group Direct Action Everywhere. Santurio was wearing a shirt with a message about outgoing [Timberwolves majority owner] Glen Taylor, which read “Glen Taylor Roasts Animals Alive.”

Security immediately made their way to Alicia and escorted her to a more appropriate place.

But that migration was preceded by a peeling.

Reports of the pasty part quickly reached televised commentary.

A fan was escorted off after attempting to glue themselves to the floor during the Clippers-Timberwolves Play-in Game pic.twitter.com/RreK0kjPSG

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) April 13, 2022

“I’m not sure if she fainted or fell,” a broadcaster said.

Then:

“Oh, okay. I think we’ve been told it was a protest, and I think she was writing something on the floor. … [W]hatever it was, she is gone, and the graffiti or whatever she was doing on the floor is being wiped away. There’s nothing like the energy of a live NBA…game.”

Eventually, as added by another sportscaster:

“It’s worse than graffiti. I was just told by security that she apparently had glue, and she glued herself to the floor. And she refused to lift her wrists up. And I don’t mean to laugh, but this really happened. She glued her wrists to the floor, and they were trying to pull her off. And she was resisting, trying to keep her wrists glued down to the floor.”

The home-team Timberwolves released a statement about the ordeal:

A fan disruption occurred ruing the second quarter of tonight’s game. We are in touch with Target Center Security to address the incident.

On social media, Alicia — now dubbed “Glue Girl” — elaborated on her intent:

“I superglued down to the basketball court to bring attention to the mass killing of chickens at Glen Taylor’s factory farm using [ventilation shutdown, otherwise known as VSD]. #Gluegirl”

I superglued down to the basketball court to bring attention to the mass killing of chickens at glen taylors factory farm using vsd #Gluegirl https://t.co/m0trPvqZGs

— alicia santurio (@aliciasanturio) April 13, 2022

Regarding VSD, The Intercept explains the awfulness:

The process kills the animals through heatstroke and suffocation, similar to dying in a hot car.

As for kindness to animals as a concept, the world robustly benefits from those who care.

If I had to guess, such advantage grossly dwarfs that of superglued ladies on basketball courts.

But perhaps I’m wrong. If so, Thank You to a woman who adhered herself to hard maple while men ran around and bounced a ball — for the massive difference made in the lives of Earth’s chickens.

And if not, at least Alicia hatched the second-best bird story of the week: