Rectal Respiration: Adam Carolla Floats a Theory That May Explain Eric Garcetti's Unmasking

(AP Photo/Richard Vogel)

Adam Carolla may have unearthed a medical miracle.

You’ve no doubt seen images of maskless celebrities attending Super Bowl LVI.

Unsurprisingly, not all entertainment notables who’ve virtue signaled over face-covering are concerned with actually doing it.


But they aren’t the only performers donning a mask of make-believe — elected officials enjoy acting, too.

As covered by RedState Managing Editor Jennifer Van Laar, in January, both California Gov. Gavin Newsom and Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti appeared at the LA Rams/San Francisco 49ers game proudly presenting their punims:

Jennifer was less than impressed:

Los Angeles County’s current regulations for attendees at “outdoor” mega events require either proof of vaccination or negative COVID test, and for masks to be worn *at all times* unless actively eating or drinking. As in, pull the chin diaper down for each individual bite or sip, then immediately raise it over your mouth and nose.

Of course…Newsom and…Garcetti paid that no mind.

In response to ridicule, Mayor Eric was breathless:

“I’ll take personal responsibility, and if it makes you and everybody else happy — or even the photographs with people where I’m literally holding my breath for two seconds — I won’t even do that.”

He must’ve had a change of heart — or, per comedian Adam Carolla, something that rhymes with that word. But we’ll get to that in a minute.


On Sunday, Eric descended upon the Super Bowl, dimples and all:

Was he, in fact, full of hot air? And for how long?

Carolla’s come up with an idea. He floated his theory on social media:

If Adam’s right, of course, there’s a hole new reason to respect Garcetti.

Meanwhile, as Shakespeare noted, the world is a stage.

And for nearly two years, we’ve taken in theater…while stuck in a Comedy of Errors.

We’ve been told a virus will defeat us unless we’re masked. At the same time, evidently, we’re beyond its reach so long as the waitress brings us bread. Apparently, if that’s the case, victory is ours.

Meanwhile, we have to get vaxxed to “protect others” — though no one has explained how it affects anyone but ourselves.

The Powers That Be have announced an arena of vaccinated fans is safer than one filled with the unvaxxed — even though inoculated Americans can contract the virus and transmit it. And they carry the same viral load as those who’ve not been needled.

We’ve watched as news crews have removed their masks when out of frame and congresspeople have discarded their covers when cameras were conked. Unmuzzled city and state leaders have dined dishonestly and partied unapologetically:


In the meantime, the ruled class has been forced to flaunt face-wraps.

Back to Mayor Eric Garcetti, if Adam’s correct, perhaps all of our betters possess the same ability. Maybe it’s imparted upon entering orifice office.

Carolla’s been known to be on the money before. And they do call them “face diapers.”

So just to be safe, if you find yourself in an elevator with the mayor and he sneezes — or, worse, sighs…make like him at a football game. And hold your breath.



See more content from me:

Oregon’s Education Dept. Takes a Stand Against Standards — Racism, to the Layperson

Dirty Work: Universities Try to Sell Students on the ‘Positives’ of Sex

Safety First: Computer Engineering Course Offers to Group Students by Gender Identity

Find all my RedState work here.

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