Dirty Work: Universities Try to Sell Students on the 'Positives' of Sex

It’s Valentine’s Day — a time for lovers.

And in honor of our amorous observance, colleges around the country are conducting Q&As.

The events’ titillating title: “Sex in the Dark.”

Anymore, evidently, it’s not just for ugly people.

Procreation pioneer Boston University offers its Glow-in-the-Dark Sexpert Panel guide to help other schools have an intercourse on intercourse.

The “Program Justification” reads thusly:

Many college students arrive to campus without having received comprehensive sex education in high school.

Who wouldn’t know squat about sex? Parents:

What’s more, many young people receive misinformation about sex through digital media and other informal sources, such as their parents and peers.

If only there was the internet…

Since students may feel as though they don’t have a safe, de-stigmatized, or informative space to ask questions about sexual health, SITD provides an anonymous space where questions are answered by experts in the field.

According to the 16-page pamphlet, Sex in the Dark’s goal is to “foster a sex-positive campus culture.”

It’s a tall order for 18-24 year-olds — who at that age would be thinking of sex? Problems are doubtlessly compounded by our Quakerish culture.

But Boston U is sticking it to stiffness. Once attendees have basked in the glow of erotic enlightenment, they’re expected to be better and more:

Be more informed about their sexual health.

Be better prepared to talk about sexual health issues with a partner.

Be more comfortable accessing sexual health resources on campus and in the community.

Prescribed event paraphernalia includes glow-in-the-dark bracelets, necklaces, and glasses.

Other suggestions: Flashlights and safe-sex products.

The guide features sample questions such as “What is gender fluidity” and “Is there such a thing as too much [beneath-the-britches self-fulfillment]?”

As noted by Campus Reform, Sex in the Dark is turning up all over.

Maryland’s Towson University promoted its Friday iteration elegantly:

Stay anonymous in this lights-off virtual event while professional sexperts answer your deepest, darkest questions. No question is too simple, or too outrageous!

At New York’s Binghamton University, attendees enjoyed “Sexapalooza: Sex in the Dark.” Due to COVID restrictions, only 40 people were allowed to personally attend.

Afterward, presumably, the college was cool with more than 40 fornicating in a flock.

#SexPositive

Apropos of progress, in a penetratingly progressive move, Vanderbilt University’s March 2nd darkly sexual shindig will occur complements of its Women’s Center. The on-campus resource strives to create “an affirming space for women and for all members of the Vanderbilt community that actively resists sexism and all forms of oppression.”

As for government advising Americans on how to get raw and relate, it’s nothing new. And Uncle Sam is starting ’em out younger by the year.

Last November, Vermont made history with an initiative to hand out condoms to 12-year-olds. That same month, a school district asked 13-year-olds about oral sex, IUDs, and smoking crack.

Perhaps soon, college students will no longer need instruction.

For now, if you’re beyond your mid-20s and ill-informed, the Powers That Be are prepared to prep you.

Case in point: New York City’s COVID-friendly guide to “safer” sex.

Sticklers who follow the brochure will be drilling — into sheetrock:

Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact.

Back to luminescence, for those in search of a fantastic flick to share with a Special Someone this Valentine’s week, consider 1989’s Skin Deep. As the Blake Edwards/John Ritter effort’s tagline touts, it’s “the comedy that glows in the dark.”

All the while, be encouraged that public ed is lighting the world with carnality’s do’s and don’ts.

After all, information is a very good thing.

In lieu of it, accidents occur: