Cha-Ching: Our World of Failed Relationships Gives Birth to the 'Divorce Registry'

This cover image released by Penguin Press shows "A Tokyo Romance," by Ian Burma. (Penguin Press via AP)

Like society, love evolves. Thanks to our modern matrimonial mode, there’s a budding trend that’s surely set to surge.

I have a friend who’s repeatedly crossed the continent to attend weddings. In airfare, hotel stay, attire, gifts and incidentals, she’s spent several thousands to witness family and friends tie the knot.

Often, she’s taken part in the ceremonies.

But her Cupid-struck compadres would’ve done well to learn the clove hitch: Those knots, as it turned out, were quite loose. Nearly all the nuptials have ended in divorce.

A mutual friend has suggested she’s owed compensation. The way he sees it, there was a social contract: She shelled out cash based on the notion that the marriages would last.

But relationships are complicated, and now a new social phenomenon is set to plunge my gallivanting gal pal further into debt: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “divorce registry.”

As reported by the New York Post, two companies — Fresh Starts Registry and Divorcist — are helping divorcees put together their newly-swingin’ single lives:

At a moment when the [idea] of a registry has expanded beyond weddings and baby showers to everything from getting a puppy to Galentine’s Day, these sites want to normalize, and streamline, the process of restocking a home after it’s split apart.

So you may have lost a spouse, but you’re bound to gain a blender.

Speaking to the Post, Fresh Starts Registry founder Olivia Dreizen Howell laments, “There’s no place that celebrates these big life changes.”

Olivia found herself in a lonely place eight years ago — all by herself without a toothbrush holder.

She’d shared everything with her husband, including that.

Purchasing a new one, she recalls, was seminal:

“It was such a pivotal moment. I thought, ‘Why isn’t there a place that people can go and get product recommendations and celebrate this change, while bringing their community in?’”

“We tend to celebrate babies and weddings,” Olivia notes, “but not everything else in between.”

And people who are parting, she believes, could use a helping hand. Or maybe a Keurig.

“It’s so overwhelming to go through a divorce. And on top of that, someone takes half your kitchen items and you have to rebuild it by yourself.”

Divorcist co-founder Eliza Cussen — who’s married — is aiming for elevation:

“Our mission is to make divorce and separation dignified. We really saw the need … Women get the concept immediately — we’re trying to elevate divorce, separation and breakups to the same status as a life event. Not a happy one, but one that deserves recognition.”

Her co-founder, Elizabeth Paulson, has been married and divorced twice. Four transitional occasions — that’s a great way to outfit a countertop.

Elizabeth has dived deep into successful suiting — she penned the book 98 Ways to Find a Great Guy.

Perhaps numbers 99 and 100 led to the two divorces.

Either way, we’re certainly living in a world of celebration. It’s an era of flags and parades, as we’re told to celebrate diversity.

These days, everyone gets a trophy; schools are reconsidering negative grades; and on Facebook, you can log your birthday so no one ever forgets.

Ours is a time of congratulations, and marriages will now be the relationships in-between.

So if you’ve found that special someone, enjoy your premium aromatherapy diffuser. And if your farts smell better than their love, just tell us where to send the Vitamix.

Those can also be used to chop up photos of your ex.

Life is short, love is hard, and weddings are expensive. Give generously to those giving it a go.

But keep the receipts, and put your policies in writing.

And if you get a divorce, don’t just do it for the swag.

-ALEX

 

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Find all my RedState work here.

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