Creepshow: Japanese Mask Maker Transitions From Angry Trump to Healer Joe, and the Result Is Bound for Your Nightmares

AP Photo/Chris Carlson

 

With all the talk of mask-wearing these days — and the innumerable options available — you may be wondering what should cover your pandemic’d punim.

If you’ve got the taste for a bit of flare, boy, have I got the mask for you.

It may not make Dr. Fauci’s Top 10, but in this difficult time, we need healing.

Rejoice — as we seem to’ve been told by the MSM, Joe Biden will soon be a salve on the sores of the Republic.

The Democratic nominee even explained during his last debate with Trump: He will shut down the virus, not the country.

Personally, I’m hoping he also invents roses with no thorns, Hot Pockets incapable of 3rd-degree mouth mangling, and clothes that wash themselves.

To hear media tell it — he just may.

For now, shutting down the virus without any impact on the economy sounds just peachy.

But until that delicious day dawns — if he wins the presidency (which is currently still an absolute if) — thanks to Ogawa Studios, you can flash your family, friends, and fellow citizens with the countenance of comfort.

As relayed by HuffPost, Ogawa is discontinuing its Donald Trump mask and transitioning to that of the media’s favorite lifeguard.

Ogawa must get all its American news from MSNBC — check out Trump:

Simple, emotionally disturbed, murderous — perfecto.

And you gotta love that completely mega-militaristic haircut.

Following our national news outlets’ lead, Ogawa’s constructed a Joe job apparently attempting to make the “You ain’t black” candidate seem kind.

The result: Extra, extra…not at all creepy.

So if you’re down to no longer don the Don and you’re bustin’ to buy a Biden, I see an upgrade in your future:

If you’d rather employ an N95 around town, maybe just hang the electoral effigy above your bed — nothing better than waking each uncertain day to some rubbery reassurance.

And for posterity, if you’ve been searching for a single image to encapsulate the last five years of television, look no further:

It’s been a heck of a half-decade.

Thankfully, the Left side of the aisle believes someone’s surfaced to save us all — delight at the Democrats’ champion of choice: an old, blue-eyed white man.

He’s the face of the New Fantastic.

And now you can put your mouth to his.

So he doesn’t have to put his to yours:

-ALEX

 

See more pieces from me:

Burning an Anti-Transgenderism Book Gets Cheered by a College Professor – at the Birthplace of the Free Speech Movement

Jim Acosta, Objective Reporter: Trump Will Soon Become ‘Another Crackpot on the Internet’

White Girl on TikTok Asks Earth’s Non-White Community for Permission to Tame Her Own Hair

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