With all the talk of mask-wearing these days — and the innumerable options available — you may be wondering what should cover your pandemic’d punim.
If you’ve got the taste for a bit of flare, boy, have I got the mask for you.
It may not make Dr. Fauci’s Top 10, but in this difficult time, we need healing.
Rejoice — as we seem to’ve been told by the MSM, Joe Biden will soon be a salve on the sores of the Republic.
The Democratic nominee even explained during his last debate with Trump: He will shut down the virus, not the country.
Personally, I’m hoping he also invents roses with no thorns, Hot Pockets incapable of 3rd-degree mouth mangling, and clothes that wash themselves.
To hear media tell it — he just may.
For now, shutting down the virus without any impact on the economy sounds just peachy.
But until that delicious day dawns — if he wins the presidency (which is currently still an absolute if) — thanks to Ogawa Studios, you can flash your family, friends, and fellow citizens with the countenance of comfort.
As relayed by HuffPost, Ogawa is discontinuing its Donald Trump mask and transitioning to that of the media’s favorite lifeguard.
“The kids used come up and reach in the pool and rub my leg down and watch the hairs come back up again“
“I learned about roaches, I learned about kids jumping on my lap”
“I love kids jumping on my lap”
— Joe Biden 6/17#CreepyJoe pic.twitter.com/NmzToMbbA9
— In God We Trust🇺🇸 (No Name/@ScottMFoltz1) (@ScottMFoltz1) May 4, 2020
Ogawa must get all its American news from MSNBC — check out Trump:
Simple, emotionally disturbed, murderous — perfecto.
And you gotta love that completely mega-militaristic haircut.
Following our national news outlets’ lead, Ogawa’s constructed a Joe job apparently attempting to make the “You ain’t black” candidate seem kind.
The result: Extra, extra…not at all creepy.
While Trump refuses to accept the election results, this mask shop in Japan has started a smooth transition to making masks of President-elect Joe Biden. Ogawa Studios says they've sold 1,000 Biden masks since October, with a goal to sell 25,000 by the end of the year pic.twitter.com/ZGo6BXllOR
— NowThis (@nowthisnews) November 13, 2020
So if you’re down to no longer don the Don and you’re bustin’ to buy a Biden, I see an upgrade in your future:
— Reuters India (@ReutersIndia) November 13, 2020
If you’d rather employ an N95 around town, maybe just hang the electoral effigy above your bed — nothing better than waking each uncertain day to some rubbery reassurance.
And for posterity, if you’ve been searching for a single image to encapsulate the last five years of television, look no further:
Rubber masks of US President-elect Joe Biden (L) and US President Donald Trump are seen at the Ogawa Studios mask factory in Saitama, north of Tokyo, Japan
Credit: Behrouz Mehri/AFP via Getty Images pic.twitter.com/7IH1jAMQlF
— Pixiedust (@PixiedustJtT) November 13, 2020
It’s been a heck of a half-decade.
Thankfully, the Left side of the aisle believes someone’s surfaced to save us all — delight at the Democrats’ champion of choice: an old, blue-eyed white man.
He’s the face of the New Fantastic.
And now you can put your mouth to his.
So he doesn’t have to put his to yours:
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