It's Father's Day as I write this, and my phone is pinging with expressions of love and gratitude from the offspring, kids and grandkids both. That's a great thing. Dads (and Grandpas) are important in the lives of the new generations. There's just no substitute for fathers, or for men in general.
Some years back, in one of those day-long corporate "team-building" exercises, one of the thought problems we were given to answer was "name your biggest hero." Some people named sportsball players. A couple named military figures out of history. Some named other historical or present-day people. My answer, though, was easy. "My biggest hero? My Dad."
Dad was my biggest hero, and he still is. That's what a father should be. The value of a good, caring, and yes, hard-working father is beyond description. Fathers are essential to the proper upbringing of kids, and if you doubt that, just look at any of our major cities where fathers have been largely replaced by government handouts, and all the various social pathologies that have resulted from the breakdown of that primary societal unit.
I can’t understate the role my own father and my grandfathers had in my young life, and in the case of the Old Man, well into my middle-aged life. The Old Man was a rock, a good man, a great man, a man of iron integrity and enormous personal strength, to whom I will strive to live up to for the rest of my life. When he passed away a few years back, my brother and I were talking about him, sharing some memories, and I commented, “You know, we two, you and I, are the men we are today because of him.” My brother agreed. He's been gone over eight years now; I’m still struggling with the empty place in my life where a giant once strode. But every day, I remember one of his lessons. Every day, I think of him, and the nuggets of practical knowledge and advice he passed on, things like "Work comes first," and "You never stop being a parent." That last one is especially true; my children are all in their 30s and 40s now, but I'm still their father, and the head of the family. That will never change.
Children – especially boys – need fathers. A nearby, engaged grandfather can fill the role; the Old Man in fact did this for my sister’s twins, whose father had abandoned the family before their birth. But many grandparents aren’t able to be full-time role models, and in most cases there can be no substitute for a full-time, fully engaged, responsible, and yes, manly father. Men, as fathers and as providers, are essential to the workings of society. Yes, women can work and have rewarding careers. My wife, aside from her military service, also worked in large-animal agricultural research before her physical issues caused a change of pace; now she runs a small publishing company.
But when it comes down to the fine edge, when times are desperate, when someone has to do whatever's necessary to keep a roof over a family's head and food on the table, it is the man who has to go forth and do whatever must be done. If that means shoveling manure, if it means hammering shingles onto roofs, if it means collecting garbage, then a husband and father must be willing to do that.
For the most part, I think most fathers understand that.
Just to add some egregious toxic masculinity, here’s some prose from an old dead white guy.
What a piece of work is a man. How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty. In form and moving how express and admirable. In action how like an Angel, In apprehension how like a god. (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2.)
That's a pretty good ideal to strive for.
Read More: Malcolm's Memories: The Joy of My Father's Joy
Feel-Good Friday: High School Grad Is Surprised by His Active-Duty USAF Dad Greeting Him on Stage
Fatherhood is fulfilling in other ways, too. I’ve known a few people, not young folks anymore but contemporaries of mine, who for one reason or another decided not to have kids. My worry for them is this: What happens when you’re old, and one spouse dies, leaving the other all alone, with no family, no kids or grandkids to fill your remaining days? The only word I can think of to describe that is lonely, and that seems like an understatement.
In the near future, though, I think we may well need strong men, strong fathers and grandfathers, men of purpose and drive, more than ever. Here's why, and I'm going to tell you: I think it all boils down to purpose. There is nothing as detestable as a man with no purpose. And yet Western society today seems to be churning out young men with no sense of purpose, in great carload lots. That isn't a sustainable situation. But consider this: As I’ve said repeatedly, I think we are in the last phase of this cycle:
- Hard times make tough people.
- Tough people make good times.
- Good times make weak people.
- Weak people make hard times.
The manly man, the man with a purpose, the men who make good husbands and fathers, may not be gone – just on hold. Because when we circle back to the first phase, we’ll need tough people. We'll need men with the attributes and the makeup to be good husbands and fathers.
So, to all the fathers and grandfathers out there, enjoy this day. It's your day. It's our day. Enjoy the attention of children and grandchildren. We can worry about all the troubles of the world tomorrow.
