He was right, though. I do offer unsolicited advice, all the time. I always wonder out loud about things I find amusing, as well as just generally offering up tidbits on life in general. So here, for your weekend enjoyment and bemusement, are some such.

Notes on society:

Sometimes it seems unfair that we spend our youths working our asses off, so that we can enjoy free time while we’re old and decrepit. But then, when I get old(er), I don’t plan to be decrepit. Well, at least not any more decrepit than I already am.

With that said: Never make yourself a soft target, especially if you live in a city.

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One of the most egregious pieces of bunkum ever spoken by any pol, agitator, or “activist” is the line: “We need to have a national dialogue.” That can only be accurately translated as “You should shut the hell up and do what we tell you.”

I wonder:

I call these “I wonders,” and have been compiling them for around half a century; these are just some examples off my extensive list:

• I wonder why people buy high-performance cars and then drive five miles under the speed limit in the left lane on the interstate. Makes no sense.
• I wonder why they call it a “lisp” when, if you have one, you can’t say so.
• I wonder why Paris Hilton is a “celebrity.” (Scare quotes intentionally.) From what (admittedly little) I’ve heard from her, she’s about as witty, intelligent, and interesting as a plate of beans trying to negotiate their way out of someone’s colon.
• I don’t wonder who wrote the Book of Love. I have my reasons.
• I wonder why Japanese schoolgirls wear what amounts to a sailor’s outfit. They are not going to school on a ship. Does anyone know?
• I wonder if all porn were suddenly deleted from the internet, the resulting void would collapse into a singularity and draw the rest of the Earth down its gravity well.
• I wonder if that did happen, would it happen too fast for anyone to write a tweet about it?
• I wonder if Kaiser Bill mustaches will ever make a comeback. I don’t have a robust enough mustache to try that style myself, which is the source of considerable frustration. I’d love to be able to start that particular trend.

Musings:

The Swiss Army must have always been very confident of victory in any conflict they engaged in. Why else would they include a corkscrew on their Army knife, if not for the celebratory, after-battle drink?

I love listening to music and have wide-ranging tastes, but I have no idea how it works. I can't play any instrument, and my singing voice has been declared a public health hazard. Does that seem right to you?

Trying to get rich by playing the state lottery is like trying to commit suicide by flying on commercial airliners. Your odds of dying on an airliner are probably higher than winning the lottery. It is for this reason that the various state lotteries are known as a “tax on stupidity.” If you feel like gambling, play slot machines. The odds of winning are much higher.

Incidentally, my favorite term for “deep thoughts” in general is the Latin omphaloskepsis, which means, in effect, to scrutinize one’s own navel. I like dropping oddball terms like that into conversations, to see how people react. I’m odd like that.

Unsolicited advice:

As you make your way through life:

• Be available for your kids as they make their way through their own lives. Empty-nesterhood is great, but you never, ever stop being a parent.
• Use your own judgment. Don’t listen to scolds with an agenda.

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• Never stop producing. The value you contribute may be in writing, volunteer work, or whatever, but sloth is the enemy of contentment.
• Never lose your sense of wonder. The world is huge, amazing, full of adventure. See as much as you can. Do as much as you can. When I was a young man, I decided that I would make sure all my sins were sins of commission, not sins of omission. I think I’ve done that. Don’t ever leave anything out. No regrets!
• It’s great to be part of a community.
• Know when to fold your hand and walk away.

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• Money or not, most people are pretty much just people. Treat them as such, and you'll get through most social situations.
• The best life is the one you enjoy. If you enjoy yourself and keep busy, then it stands to reason that would be good for your health – physical and emotional.

A final bit of philosophy: It seems obvious that plenty of activity, and activity you enjoy to boot, is good for a long life. It’s important to have fun, and I’m trying to live up to that; I’d much rather get my exercise walking in the woods than walking on a treadmill, and sometimes I get in some fishing or bird hunting into the bargain. That's a good way to do it.

With all that said, I return you now to your weekend, already in progress.