Last Friday afternoon, I was sitting in my home office doing some administrative stuff when I paused for a few minutes to take in the day.
It was hot outside, of course, but it was otherwise beautiful. The sun was shining, the crape myrtles were blooming, there was a slight breeze blowing, and there was squirrel and bird worm/nut hunting action in the freshly cut grass.
Wasn't quite this view, but it was still nice:
Rainbow over the house! God's artwork. 🩷💙💚❤️ #family #nature #springtime 🙏🏻cc: @wxbrad pic.twitter.com/XsL6fUokL2
— Sister Toldjah 💙 (@sistertoldjah) April 30, 2024
For the first time in several weeks, I felt a sense of calm. It had been a challenging month for both mom and me, but the hurdles, thank God, were successfully jumped, with good news from her dermatologist on a benign mole and encouraging news from her medical oncologist regarding her CT scans and labwork.
READ MORE (VIP) -->> Caregiver's Diary Part 41: CT Scan Results, and an Act of Kindness That Hit Me Right in the Feels
After I had taken the front yard view in, I turned in the opposite direction to look at Mom, who was sitting in the recliner in the living room. She was dozing, catching up on some rest after what had been a pretty eventful last few weeks of doctor appointments, of worrying, of anxious moments, and of periodically checking the online portals for news of results.
It occurred to me in that moment how different we would both be feeling if any of those reports we'd been waiting on had given us news no one wants to receive. It really is true, when you think about it, how life can turn in either a hopeful or deeply concerning/heartbreaking direction in the blink of an eye.
We'd been blessed with what we heard last week, feeling like we could finally take some deep breaths and relax a little, but we also knew what a state we'd have been in had the news been different. We already had experience on that front in October 2022, when mom went in to get her colonoscopy, and colon cancer - something we hadn't expected - was found.
Unlike how I've been in the past when we've received news of CT scan results and labs, instead of looking ahead to the next follow-up visit and wondering how that one might go, I told myself that now would be a good time to practice learning to rest in the moment again, to try not to look too far ahead and instead appreciate that for now, at least, the news is encouraging and that, Lord-willing, we'll both live on to fight another day.
SEE ALSO (VIP) -->> Caregiver's Diary Part 7: Learning to Rest in the Moment
To ensure I didn't dwell too much on what the future may or may not hold, I busied myself over the weekend with filling up the bird feeders and bird baths, catching up on housework and miscellaneous errands here and there (but not too much), restocking the pantry, and indulging in a little bit of self-care.
It felt good to have a little bit of "normalcy" return, although I've honestly forgotten in some ways what that is anymore, considering all the changes in both of our lives over the last three years.
With August just a few days away and no doctor appointments currently on the schedule until September, I'm considering pulling the trigger on some contractor projects we've been wanting to do but putting off, like changing out some ceiling fans that have seen better days, updating some ceiling light fixtures, and finally ordering that fridge and microwave that I have been eyeing for a few months now.
It's time to get back to living and laughing, and to dial back the worrying and the fretting over uncertainties about what's in store in the months ahead. Wish me luck.
DIG DEEPER: To check out my previous Caregiver's Diary entries, please click here. Thank you!
