In my last Caregiver's Diary installment, I shared how I had gotten sidelined at the first of the month by what presumably was a bad cold that took a lot out of me, one that is still working itself out considering the nagging cough I still have.
To elaborate a little more on it, something else that took the wind out of my sails in some respects was the level of frustration that built up in me each day that I couldn't muster up the energy to do anything outside of the basic things.
My plans for December had been big (based on my definition of "big") after an up-and-down year. My hope had been to make the month an enjoyable and festive one all the way around for Mom and me by having the Christmas tree up and decorated by the first weekend of the month, having all the other decorations done, and finishing Christmas shopping early on, with the wrapping and Christmas card mailing ideally happening mid-month.
I also wanted to get back on an even path with my workflow, something I've struggled to do since I lost my dad and my mom was diagnosed with Stage IIIB colon cancer a few months later.
Needless to say, nothing has gone according to plan in December. Nothing.
Now that I'm in recovery mode, things are getting back on track slowly but surely, but I had to shelve some things I wanted to do. I wanted to fully decorate the fireplace mantle like I did last year with all the bells and whistles and wanted to replace the sets of string lights we use every year on a bush in the front yard with some that were brighter and looked better.
Because I'm still struggling with low energy levels, I've had to cut corners and some things just had to be removed from the to-do list for Christmas. It brought on resentment from me of the situation, even though deep down I knew should feel blessed and should rest in the knowledge that it doesn't have to be perfect at Christmastime or any other time, really.
Mom has shared stories, too, of Christmases gone by for her where she and dad weren't able to do near what they wanted to do for the Christmas season that year but somehow everything turned out okay anyway.
In fact, I remember one such year long ago when Dad had gotten laid off from work and we were struggling, and there weren't many presents under the tree. But I remember it as being one of the best Christmases we ever had.
Back to the present day, I got hit with a wave of guilt after a phone call I received this week from a longtime friend who I hadn't heard from in a while but who is having some major health and family issues.
Without knowing it, he helped me put things in perspective by reminding me to count my blessings. No matter how tough things may be for a person, he said, it's always important to take stock of your blessings each day.
He also reminded me that my mom had come a long way in her health journey, and so had I in many ways, and said to "keep the faith" going into 2024.
You don't have to be a caregiver to get caught up in a negative, frustrating moment (or a series of them), unable to see the forest for the trees. It happens to all of us. We have a bad day, bad week, bad month, what have you, and it's easy to start thinking that all hope is lost.
But it's not, not as long as you remember to take stock of the blessings in your life, past and present, and understand that the challenges that are put in front of us are put there to make us stronger and more resilient and also to get us to appreciate life more and take it for granted less.
Related VIP reading -->> Caregiver's Diary Part 1: The Pain
