(The opinions expressed in guest op-eds are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of RedState.com.)

Joe Armendariz

On Memorial Day, I posted to my blog the following (paraphrased): What the country needs right now is somebody articulating an alternative economic message centered around hope, growth, and opportunity. What I call a Kempian- Reagan “morality of prosperity” message. One that is inclusive, not exclusive, one that inspires us and unites us, not that divides us. In other words, a Kennedyesque vision; a “rising tide lifts all boats.” The kind of message that can give the nation something to rally behind.

This is what American presidents used to do. JFK obviously did, Reagan did, Roosevelt did…It’s a bipartisan tradition.

And then, just before midnight, PST, an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal ghostwritten for Joseph R. Biden Jr., aka President of the United States, hit the wires titled: “My Plan For Fighting Inflation.”  And well, an op-ed with this title attached to the President of the United States, even knowing — perhaps especially knowing — it was penned by a member of his staff, is catnip for me.

Unfortunately, despite my best effort, which included a tall glass of milk, and a two-day-old chocolate doughnut in hopes I might gain something resembling consciousness, the long weekend spent taking the family to and fro while enduring Biden’s price spike economy took too much out of me and I had to hit the sack. But not before scanning the piece and seeing that the ghost, on Mr. Biden’s behalf, was presenting to the country a three-part plan.

So I went to sleep and could hardly wait to get up and read it. And it was everything I knew it wouldn’t be. 

First, the president is going to ask the Federal Reserve to do something about inflation. Apparently the ghost, and obviously Mr. Biden too, thinks the Federal Reserve is very important. They must be, because they are the first part of the three-part “plan for fighting inflation.” So, you know, if they (the Fed) do what they are told to do, presumably, whatever the second, or third part of the fighting inflation plan is, won’t be necessary. The ghost doesn’t explain what Mr. Biden is going to tell the Federal Reserve to do other than to, well, fight inflation. So stay tuned for that.

Second, the ghost says, and Biden agrees with this as well — by the way, let’s just all agree that Joe agrees with the ghost on all of this since he agreed to put his name on the op-ed. So Joe and the ghost say we need to take “every practical step to make things more affordable for families” during this moment of economic uncertainty.

Now, I’m no philosopher. Although I did take a semester of logic in college. And so it seems, well, logical that the second part of the plan for fighting inflation probably should’ve been the first part of the plan. Because if they succeed at making things more affordable for families in America then, by definition, they’ve solved the problem of what Biden is calling “inflation.” Hence, no need for a third step; indeed, no need for the first step either. Although, since the first step is pointless and silly, I suppose it doesn’t really matter.

When you want to sell a plan to the American people you should always give it at least three parts. It just sounds better. Like you gave it more thought. All the pollsters will tell you that. A one-part plan sounds half-baked. Gotta have multiple parts. Three is ideal. Four is fine, but you might start to lose people. 

But since, as I said, this sort of stuff is like human catnip for me, I couldn’t wait for the third part.

And, well, the ghost didn’t disappoint. The third part is to stop greedy corporations from offshoring jobs and profits. And, of course, to make sure billionaires pay their fair share of taxes. Because we all know that when a single working mother in Carpinteria, or Santa Maria is filling up her car at the gas station and paying $6.79 a gallon what she’s really worried about is Jeff Bezos paying his fair share in taxes so that instead of him being worth $150 billion, he’ll only be worth $125 billion. But then, to be fair to the ghost, and to Biden, the third part of the plan does include something for her, too.

The third part of the ghost’s plan for fighting inflation includes more money for the IRS so they have the resources to collect the taxes that Americans already owe. Got that? Everybody knows — and it’s reassuring to know that the ghost and the President understand this — especially in the middle of an economic crisis, that nothing will deliver the economic relief the American people so desperately need faster than hiring more IRS agents so they can spread throughout the country and audit the American people.

I’m not sure who wrote this abomination for the president. I don’t know if it was a ghost of Christmas past, or a ghoul of Christmas future, but it’s painfully obvious that this president has no idea what is going on right here, and right now. Because never in my 35 years of following politics have I witnessed a president so out of touch as this president is today. But Joe has a plan, and all I can say is: God help us all.

Joe Armendariz is Director of Government Affairs for Armendariz Partners, LLC. He is also Chairman of the California Center for Public Policy, a public policy institute focusing on economic and education development issues in Santa Barbara County. He can be reached at: 805.990.2494 or by emailing him at: [email protected]