This is the result of roughly ten years’ worth of looking on – sometimes horrified; sometimes amused; sometimes bewildered – at our current Media environment. Note that capital, by the way: I’m pretty much describing the Media as a singular and monolithic institution, mostly because on a practical level that’s pretty much how it acts towards conservatives/Republicans. Also, I’m really not interested if individual Media-units feel bad about the more unsavory aspects of the paradigm that they’re supporting, either; guilt, like gratitude, is worth its weight in gold.

So let’s go. One final note: if you need a quick summary of this list… well, just remember the first truth and you’ll be fine.

Ten Media Truths for Conservative/Republican Legislators

1. The Media hates you, and wants you to die in a fire.
2. The Media will only reliably compliment you when you do things to help liberals and Democrats.
3. The Media loves it when you attack other conservatives/Republicans.
4. You will never, ever, ever be able to reliably buy off the Media by being a ‘good’ (i.e., self-hating) conservative/Republican.
5. Every flaw that you have – real or perceived – will be magnified by the Media. You will get no slack at all.
6. Every flaw that your opponent has – real or perceived – will be downplayed by the Media.
7. If you get an endorsement from a major Media source, it’s probably because your opponent was caught in a horrific scandal. So don’t count on getting that endorsement the next time.
8. The Media has no shame, no sense of guilt, and no institutional memory of its own faults, flaws, and prejudices. Do not appeal to its better nature: the Media could care less about your opinion of it.
9. Do not whine about any of this: the truth is, this unrelenting hostility from the Media will (if properly handled) simply make you an unstoppable political machine.
10. Most importantly: THE MEDIA DID NOT ELECT YOU. The voters did. Keep that in mind when you’re working out your legislative priorities.

Moe Lane (crosspost)