Not Even This Cherished Icon of Childhood Was Immune to Hollywood's Wave of Perversion

Those of you of a certain age may want to look away now. I’m talking to those nineties kids who have fond memories of watching a certain purple and cloyingly happy T-Rex on television. We now know why he was so happy and it is almost too weird, even for 2018.

Barney the Dinosaur’s only real brush with controversy that I can recall was when some paranoid Christians with way too much time on their hands came up with the theory that the show was a gateway into the occult because the kids said magic words and used their imaginations to make Barney appear. Now this:

Tantric-osaurus! ‘Eccentric’ who played Barney the Dinosaur is now a sex guru who boasts of romping with clients without a condom

It really puts that “I love you, You love me,” deal into perspective.

David Joyner, 54, played the purple dinosaur between 1991 and 2001, on the PBS children’s show Barney & Friends.

The stuffed toy come-to-life, and voiced by Bob West, was famed for his song ‘I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family’ and was a big hit with kids and families alike.

Today, Joyner has hung up the big purple suit and his new career couldn’t be much further away from the innocent kids TV show, working a tantric sex guru who promises to unite his clients’ mind, body and spirit through tantric massage and sex.

Some people report that they are freaking out about the news, which seems like a natural response.

David Joyner, 54, tells Vice he has about 30 female clients and charges about $350 for a 3-4 hour session, which includes a ritual bath, chakra balancing, a massage and orgasms.  Many of his clients are women he met on the dating app Tinder.

I think if the genders were reversed here, the “clients” would be referred to as “johns.” But I know Baby Bop will almost certainly be spending time in therapy after learning that her friend and long time mentor is nothing but a high priced man-whore with a spiritual sounding cover story for his horndog antics.

He says his tantric training helped him to endure the 120 degree heat inside that big purple suit and to find ‘joy’ during long shoots.

Think about that when watching reruns. No one will ever really know what went on inside that purple monster. No one should want to.

“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” he told Vice. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love. Even when you have emotionally blocked energy, the best way to remove it is to remove it with love, and then replace it with God’s divine love. Love heals and allows you to continue to grow.”

Also, condoms cramp his style.

He also says sex should be unprotected because condoms ‘block the energy.’

Joyner played the big T-Rex between 1991 and 2001.  His new career choice comes as a shock to some of his old co-workers from the show, including head writer Stephen White, who added that Joyner was always a ‘very spiritual guy.’

Right. “Spiritual.”

Maybe it’s time to revisit that whole thing about the gay Teletubby.

Nah. Let’s not.