Former Vice President Joe Biden’s bad week started Friday, when former Nevada State Sen. Lucy Flores (and former Lt. Gov. candidate) went public with allegations that he’d inappropriately touched her at a campaign event. Then, it turns out that Biden was photographed sniffing Eva Longoria’s hair at the very same event. A “member-berries” tour down Creepy Uncle Joe memory lane dominated the weekend, even here at RedState, where we documented 7 of Biden’s “creepiest” moments.

Unfortunately for Biden, Flores wasn’t the only one to come forward. By Wednesday, the number of women who’d come forward publicly with stories of unwanted and inappropriate touching by the former Vice President stood at five.

Biden responded with a video message on Twitter. In the past Biden’s, uh, eccentricities have been laughed off as slightly charming. Not understanding that times have really changed in one particular way (i.e., the way his grabbiness is interpreted), Biden attempted a play from his tried-and-true playbook that fell devastatingly, and hilariously, flat.

Social norms are changing. I understand that, and I’ve heard what these women are saying. Politics to me has always been about making connections, but I will be more mindful about respecting personal space in the future. That’s my responsibility and I will meet it. pic.twitter.com/Ya2mf5ODts

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) April 3, 2019

Before getting into the meat of what he said, from a political campaign management/communications/social media perspective this video is a dumpster fire. First, the audio in the first few seconds is barely audible, and there’s a noticeable change when the audio “corrects.” Second, the lighting is off. Third, he can’t clearly get through his lines. Especially when you’re recording a video yourself and have the opportunity for multiple takes, there’s no excuse for this. Give the man a prompter if he needs it.

Most importantly, the message itself stinks. The verbiage of the tweet he sent out with the video summarizes his message which, in addition to being tone-deaf, is completely wrong. The full transcript of his remarks, shown below, reveals that this is Biden’s two minutes of “Derp!” He won’t recover from this.

Just as I did with Harvey Weinstein’s statement when he attempted to salvage his career, I’m emphasizing the worst parts of Biden’s speech (in bold italics) and adding interpretive commentary throughout.

“I expect people to talk to me about a whole lot of issues, and I’ll always be direct with you, but today I want to talk about gestures of support and encouragement…”

Hey, girl! You just misinterpreted support and encouragement as something sexual!

“…that I’ve made to women and some men that have made them uncomfortable. I’m always trying to be — in my career, I’ve always tried to make a human connection. That’s my responsibility, I think. I shake hands. I hug people. I grab men and women by the shoulders…”

Define “human connection”? And, grab them by the what? Who does this remind us of? Ohhhh….

“…and say, you can do this. Whether they’re women, men, young, old. It’s the way I’ve always been. It’s the way I try to show I care about them, and I’m listening. And over the years, knowing the things that I’ve been through, the things that I’ve faced, I’ve found that scores, if not hundreds of people, have come up to me and reached out for solace and comfort – something, anything, that may help them through the tragedy that they’re going through.”

Like any pervy old uncle, Biden implies that any woman or man who misinterpreted Saint Biden’s solace and comfort as something as base as an old man taking advantage of someone’s pain for his jollies is despicable.)

“And so it’s just who I am. And I’ve never thought of politics as cold and antiseptic. I’ve always thought it about connecting with people. And I said shaking hands, hands on the shoulder, a hug, encouragement. And now it’s all about taking selfies together. You know, social norms have begun to change. They’ve shifted.”

No, social norms have not begun to change! It’s never been okay to kiss virtual strangers on the lips. It’s never been okay to bury one’s nose in someone’s hair. It’s never been okay to rub the shoulders of someone during a professional interaction.

“And the boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset, and I get it. I get it. I hear what they’re saying. I understand it. And I’ll be much more mindful. That’s my responsibility, and I’ll meet it.”

This is probably the most egregious line portion of the entire video. As stated above, the boundaries have not been reset. Biden implies that being handsy, even in light of extremely direct body language that it was not wanted, has been socially acceptable until recently. What’s changed is that people aren’t getting away with it, unchallenged, in the numbers they have in the past. Women were told that enduring these unwanted intrusions into our personal space was to be expected, and we shouldn’t make a fuss about them.

“But I’ll always believe governing, quite frankly, life, for that matter, is about connecting. About connecting with people. That won’t change. But I will be more mindful and respectful about people’s personal space, and that’s a good thing. That’s a good thing.”

It’s true that politics is about connecting, but connecting does not mean forcing yourself upon a woman (or a man). Ronald Reagan had a unique ability to connect with the American people, but he wasn’t out at campaign events burying his nostrils into a woman’s hair or forcibly kissing them on the mouth.

“I’ve worked my whole life to empower women. I’ve worked my whole life to prevent abuse. And so the whole idea that I can’t adjust to the fact that personal space is important, more important than it’s ever been, is just not there. I will. I will.”

Ahh, here we go, the obligatory “I’m a feminist” proclamation that handsy men use as a “get out of jail free” card. Sorry, Biden, not buying it.