Note for hypersensitive leftists: The following is satirical and not meant to be taken literally.
More than 100 Politico employees signed a letter addressed to publisher Robert Albritton complaining about his decision to allow a big meanie named Ben Shapiro to guest-author an edition of the site’s Playbook newsletter. The staffers indicated that they did not approve of the decision because Shapiro says mean things that they don’t like. The letter was given to Albritton just before naptime and right after their diapers were changed.
One editorial staffer told RedState that Shapiro should not have been invited to author the newsletter because he said bigoted things in the past. When informed that the conservative podcaster had apologized for his comments, the Politico employee replied, “okay, but he’s a conservative, which means we have to pretend he still stands by his previous comments.” He burst into tears when his mother took the phone and informed us that it was time for his bath.
Another contributor took issue with the fact that Politico editor in chief Matt Kaminski refused to apologize for letting Shapiro write words in the newsletter that leftists would not agree with. “It’s just not right,” she said, waving her rattle furiously. “People like Shapiro should not be able to write sentences that disagree with what we think is right.”
A senior Politico employee noted that Shapiro’s inclusion in the newsletter demoralized the site’s staff. He said:
When we heard that Ben Shapiro was going to author the Playbook, it made us very sad. Some of us spent the day sulking in our cribs. Others refused to drink from their bottles. The stress has been so much that I’ve already gone through five pacifiers in two days. TWO DAYS!
The letter, which was written in red crayon, argued that Shapiro’s apparent bigotry should have disqualified him from being considered for the newsletter. Indeed, the fact that he’s a conservative automatically means that he hates everyone except straight white men.
“My mommy says I should be more open to hearing other political views, but this has gone way too far,” said one of the blog’s editors. “When I heard that guy was going to do the newsletter, I nearly fell out of my high chair. I spilled Gerber all over the place. It was almost as bad as that time Ted Cruz sat down and had a civil conversation with Alyssa Milano.”
Needless to say, Politico’s collaboration with Shapiro caused quite a stir at the news outlet and even on social media. Unfortunately, it appears that leftists are still afraid of their audiences being exposed to opposing views, and this tendency benefits nobody – except companies like Huggies.