In deference to the Mueller probe into everything under the sun, I hereby propose the following Constitutional Amendment:

Section 1. Thirty days after the election for President and Vice President of the United States, the Electoral College shall meet in a manner described by law to certify the results of said election, and no judicial officer of the United States or any state shall interfere in said outcome;

Section 2. After certification by the Electoral College, the certified winner shall submit to a probe into their past, notwithstanding any concerns determined by the campaigns, which shall extend no less than thirteen years previous to the time of their election;

Section 3.  Whereupon, said probe shall be provided unlimited financial and human resources to complete said probe, nor shall they be under any time limit to complete said probe, and be provided with any evidence including but not limited to anonymous third and fourth party sources;

Section 4. And, said probe shall take into full consideration all research conducted by the losing candidate or their political Party or any operative associated with the losing candidate and/or Party, of the winning candidate;

Section 5.  And, no duly elected President or Vice President as determined by the votes of the people individually, or the states through the Electoral College, shall be sworn into office until said probe is completed and the inquisition determines that there was no illegal activity as defined by the inquistition of any kind in the winner’s past, nor evidence of foreign interference that may have been to the benefit of the winner or loser of the election, and to ensure that the winner brushes their teeth three times a day and washes behind their ears;

Section 6.  And in furtherance of said probe, the provisions of the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth and Seventh Amendment to this United States Constitution shall not be in effect;

Section 7.  And, the former Executive Administration shall retain control of the Executive branch of government as outlined in Article II of the United States Constitution until such time the inquisition is completed;

Section 8.  And, Congress shall be authorized to pass any law in furtherance of this Amendment.

Section 9.  The provisions of this Amendment shall be operative regardless of any other established institutions which investigate elections in the United States.

The first section just codifies the existing system, but gets the courts out of the equation.  The second section requires a probe into the winner’s past- no less than 13 years into the past- even if issues from that past were brought up and adjudicated during the campaign.

The third section will be called the “Mueller probe” clause since it meets the parameters of the current probe into Russian collusion/the United Arab Emerates/Kushner Holdings/transition team meetings/guests of any Trump property/everything else under the sun.

My fourth section simply codifies the infallibility of campaign opposition research.  The fifth section goes above and beyond the Mueller probe and makes sure our next President has clean ears and fresh breath.

The groundwork for the Section 6- suspension of parts of the Bill of  Rights- was already laid by Obama’s FBI and DOJ. Let’s just stop the arguments over Constitutional rights, suspend them in these cases, and move on.  Besides…they are so 18th century.

The next section would likely make some people happy because absent it, we would never know if our new President had clean ears and fresh breath.  And maybe we could just do a “do over.”

The rest of it is just an implementing clause and one that acknowledges there are things like the Department of Justice, the FBI and the Federal Election Commission that basically do- if they did their jobs- what the Mueller and any future Constitutionally-mandated probe will also investigate.  

I would suggest that as part of the implementing process, Congress establishes a protocol for appointing a Grand Inquisitor- someone as saintly as Robert Mueller, or perhaps James Comey.