The Most Interesting Colonel in the World

Happy Sunday! Here’s one for all my Infantry buddies..and a few other Military friends too. This is directed at military members, past, present and future. Marines, if you have difficulty understanding the big words, please consult your local Army Grunt.


He…is…The Most Interesting Colonel in the World.

When he wakes up in the morning, Russia raises its DEFCON level…just in case.

He once fed an entire Theater Army with one case of MRE’s, then carried away 7 Fast Sealift Ships full of leftovers.

If he were to tell you, “Good Brief,” you would list it on your OER Support Form.

The Council of Generals, convenes to establish consensus on issues, before briefing HIM.

He has his own entry in Jane’s Militaries of the World, #3 (because associating him with “#2” would be just…wrong).

He doesn’t need STRATAIR to self-deploy to the AOR.

He has his own designated seat in the I-Bar

His Birthday is a designated Training Holiday.

When it’s time for the Annual General Inspection, He inspects the IG.

When He runs “sick call,” troops are returned to full duty BEFORE they check in.

He is allowed to wear his headgear in the I-Bar.

On his first day of Ranger School, He wrote 3 Major Minus Spot Reports on the RI’s who attempted to disqualify his swim test, because he walked the length of the pool, ON TOP of the water.

He qualified, 50 out of 40 on the Rifle Qualification course…with 30 rounds.

He never has to add “Fire For Effect,” for all the Cannon Cockers know, ALL his fires, are for effect.

He once shot an azimuth, and wiped out an entire enemy battalion.

On the land nav course, True North aligns with him.

His boots glisten so well, on his first day of Jump School, the Airborne Instructors…sent themselves to the Gig Pit.


General Order #1 Doesn’t apply to him.

Wherever he is, is a Designated Smoking Area.

At the Pentagon, the Chief of Staff makes him coffee

The IG files complaints…with him.

The Chaplain cries on HIS shoulder.

He once ran the Yankee & Furman Road, Daylight Land Nav courses…with no compass, map or GPS…at Night…and found all the points.

At levels above Corps, all staff routing slips, have his name on them as final “chop” before going to next higher level.

He declined the offer of playing Colonel Kirby in, “The Green Berets.” The part was only then offered to John Wayne. Side note: If he had taken the part, the outpost wouldn’t have been overrun; PeterSan wouldn’t have died and there would be no “John Wayne Hill” at Ft Benning.

At formal functions, the men propose toasts to HIM…and the LADIES respond, “HEAR! HEAR!”

He is…The Most Interesting Colonel in the World

Stay Combat Ready My Friends

Mike Ford is a retired Infantry Officer who writes on Military, Foreign Affairs and occasionally dabbles in Political and Economic matters.

Follow him on Twitter: @MikeFor1039458

You can find his other Red State work here.


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