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Buzz Cut: 'Buzz’s Bedtime Stories' - The Football

AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

On my X (Twitter) account, @BuzzPatterson, I frequently post “war stories” from my years flying in the Air Force and carrying the “nuclear football” for President Bill Clinton. I tongue-in-cheek call them “Buzz’s Bedtime Stories.” Originally, they were intended for lighthearted storytelling and a sanity break from the hourly onslaught of negativity and politics on social media, but the response has been tremendous. So, let’s continue! Gather around. Grab a blanket and get cozy. Tonight, we discuss the “nuclear football.”

The “nuclear football” is a large, black satchel officially titled the “President’s Emergency Satchel.” It’s a stout briefcase or piece of luggage that weighs around 40-ish pounds, containing everything that the president needs, no matter where he/she is in the world, to launch or retaliate with nuclear weapons. If I told you what the contents are inside the briefcase, I’d have to kill you. (So we’ll work around that). LOL. There’s a military aide accompanying the president at all times.

The president simultaneously carries a set of codes with him, nicknamed “the biscuit,” which are the means by which the commander in chief authenticates himself to the National Military Command Center (NMCC) for any potential launch. The military aide (me back in the Clinton days) carries the football and accompanies the president at all times. White House, Air Force One, Marine One, hotels, castles, state visits, wreath laying,…, everywhere. It takes the president and the military aide collaborating to convey the decision to launch. At that point, keys are turning in missile silos, bombers are getting airborne, and submarines are loading coordinates.

The football actually was created during JFK’s short tenure when the Cuban Missile Crisis necessitated our commander in chief have immediate access to our nuclear inventory — whatever the delivery platform, be it fighters, bombers, submarines, or missiles. Every president has had a military aide shadowing them since George Washington but it was during this time the position took on the added responsibility of toting the football. Since then, every president has had a military aide accompanying him and able to respond within a few seconds. The nickname "football" is derived from the fact that the original nuclear attack plans were codenamed “Dropkick,” and the military aide carries it around like a football. It’s a position you can’t apply for. The White House finds you. Or they did in my case.

As such, a military aide resides in the White House 24/7. We have an office and a bedroom in the White House and, along with the Secret Service, a doctor, and nurse, we’re there around the clock no matter when and where the president goes. With Clinton, I jogged with him, went to the golf course with him, on vacations to Camp David, Martha’s Vineyard, St. Thomas, etc. The MILAIDE bedroom, however, is certainly no Lincoln Bedroom experience. It’s very austere.

There’s also a “Presidents Emergency Operations Center” adjacent to the bedroom, which is manned by active-duty military personnel from across the services around the clock. That’s where the classified military operations and plans are managed, and that’s where Vice President Dick Cheney went immediately after the 9/11 attacks. In short, the PEOC is a group of professionals from all backgrounds that support the highly classified programs that constantly swirl the presidency. They were my brothers and sisters, and they kept me and the president out of trouble.

In a nutshell, that’s how our nuclear process goes down. God forbid it ever happen. I can personally attest to the sleepless nights imagining the horror and knowing I’d be part of it.

Goodnight, kids. Tuck yourself in. Uncle Buzz will be back with another story soon.

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