Sometimes there are days, weeks, even months that go by where nothing feels "normal" in your life. Your schedule gets insane, everything is topsy-turvy, you're at Code Red stress levels, and there are days when you don't know which end is up.
For some people, that actually might be their normal life due to the type of job they have and/or because they have families to take care of. But for others, like me, though I did have my fair share of stressful days, that wasn't my normal before I became a full-time caregiver. Once I did, though, my whole life changed. Suddenly, I went from being sort of a caregiver-in-training (through helping my mom with my dad's medical situation), where I had blocks of time where I wasn't around it, to becoming a real deal 24-7 caregiver.
The role reversals were (and still are) one of the most challenging parts of it to get used to. Mom had always been the Mother Earth of our home, the one always helping us out whenever we needed her, dropping everything on her plate to assist us, no matter the issue. But though mom remained the center of our universe, suddenly, extensively giving care and support became my role, with my sisters playing a supporting role.
READ MORE (VIP): Caregiver's Diary Part 3: The Role Reversals
It was a big adjustment to say the least because, like many caregivers will point out, you typically don't choose caregiving. It chooses you. I won't say I eagerly jumped into the role, but I knew two months before we lost my dad that my mom was going to need more care herself than she had previously let on, and that I was going to be that person. And after Dad passed, it became a foregone conclusion, because Mom's health was also getting progressively worse, and we needed to move quickly before it was too late to do anything about it.
We moved as quickly as we could, with multiple doctor appointments that summer/early fall, which culminated in learning she had Stage IIIB colon cancer at the age of 79. After she had the surgery to remove her tumor, and her medical oncologist stated he felt like she was still in "curable stage," we were in full Game On mode. If Mom was willing to give it to her at all, at her age and with her other health challenges, I was going to - with God's grace - try and make it easier for her in whatever way I could.
It hasn't been easy, and one big reason for that is that Mom is stronger than I am in many ways: stronger when it comes to optimism, stronger in her outlook, and stronger in her faith - all through decades of experience. Even in the hardest days of her chemo, she refused to give up.
But caregiving has been rewarding. I've learned a lot more about myself, and have grown considerably in my faith walk, and when it comes to being stronger and tougher when need be. I'm also getting better about taking things one day at a time, though I still veer towards worrying about the future rather than simply resting in the moment.
SEE ALSO (VIP): Caregiver's Diary Part 9: 'Resting in the Moment' Is Being Put to the Test
In the middle of the near-daily concerns about what the future holds for mom and me, there have been the blissful moments of normalcy - the type of "normal" both mom and I had once upon a time, before the health struggles of family members became something that needed constant attention and monitoring.
This past weekend was one of those moments. For the two weeks prior, mom and I both had doctor appointments and labwork done during our respective visits, and we sat on pins and needles waiting for the results to come in and to hear from our doctors. When we did, it was like a huge weight lifted off of both of our shoulders, and on Saturday, we just sort of basked in the glow of having been through a couple of tough weeks and coming out in pretty good shape.
For both of us, there were no immediate worries for a change. We went about the weekend smiling and laughing as we did simple things like the dishes and laundry, making the kind of precious memories I pray we never forget. In the context of this month being the third anniversary of her completing chemo and as we approach the fourth anniversary of me becoming a full-time caregiver, it was a good feeling, a blessing, and one we're both going to try to hold on to for as long as we can.
DIVE DEEPER: To check out my previous Caregiver's Diary entries, please click here. Thank you!
