The Remmys Dysfunctional Media Award Nominations: Old Brew, Motility Races, and Celebrity Linen Folding

The Remmy Awards - Special Honors Trophy. (Credit: AI image/Grok)

It is time for a new round of nominations for nefarious news nonsense! In recognizing the efforts of the unprofessional press, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery, we nominate the efforts for end-of-the-year honors. To commemorate that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we have created The Golden Remington Awards. Our trophy honors the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices.

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Regularly, we compile some of the most fractured examples of journalism, nominating them for the un-coveted dishonor of “winning” our un-distinguished Remmy Award. At the end of the year, we recognize the greats by gathering examples in a number of categories and judiciously choosing the deserving performances. Here are the latest nominees for The Remmys. 


Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Chris Matthews - MSNBC

For some reason, MSNBC is attempting to bring back Chris Matthews – and frankly, we encourage this. Chris was trying to explain how tariffs are really bad and used the fact that we get lumber from Canada.

Matthews made it appear as if there was no other way for a country that is heavily forested to obtain the building material.


Distinguished Feature Writing

  • Sonia Perez - Associated Press

So it was “mostly peaceful pedicide”?!

The AP detailed for us some of the new findings of a newly discovered altar from the Teotihuacan people, in a region normally attributed to Mayans, indicating a number of possible interactions between the cultures. One aspect of the temple was that a number of remains of young children were also located in the area, an indication of child sacrifice having taken place. As this was believed to be a part of their religious worship, one archeologist came up with a rather daft assessment of what this meant for the Teotihuacans.

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“We see how the issue of sacrifice exists in both cultures. It was a practice; it’s not that they were violent, it was their way of connecting with the celestial bodies,” she said.”

So sure, they might have been routinely killing children for their storm goddess, that is no reason to assume they were violent, however.


Distinguished Local Journalism

  • KTLA Channel 5

Try to imagine driving your car through a shopping mall and then explaining to the police the reason for the accident was that you had airbags installed in the vehicle. Well, at KTLA, they tried this to no avail. On their social media page, they posted a deeply racist word, then attempted to explain that the reason for the error was due to them applying language filters to their Xitter account.

Uh…yeah, sure gang…


Distinguished International Reporting

  • Jogai Bhatt - Radio New Zealand

We do not want to judge and suggest that New Zealanders are starving for entertainment – we just offer up this “event” and allow you to make conclusions.

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Comedian Dan Boerman was promoting his standup appearance at a comedy festival so he made up posters and stickers he tossed around the city of Wellington for a live appearance before his festival gig. Around 700 people crowded into a shopping area to witness Boerman…fold a fitted bed sheet.


Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Kristina Rutherford - Sportsnet

As Alexander Ovechkin was closing in on Wayne Grertzky’s all-time record for goals scored in the NHL, Ms. Rutherford felt the need to inject politics into the proceedings. There was a need, in her mind, to bring up comments previously made by the Washington Capitals legend that he supported in some fashion the leader of his native Russia, Vladimir Putin. Adding to her desire for controversy was also mentioning Gretzky has displayed a level of support for President Trump.

What was precious in her insistence was projecting her TDS onto all hockey fans, insisting there was anxiety and dismay in grappling with the significance of the record and the political ramifications attached. Allow me to speak on behalf of the overwhelming majority of hockey fans and state that few, if any, of us were wrestling with this as any kind of issue.

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Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Marissa Matozzo - New York Post

Every so often we get served up these stories about how the young generation has created a new activity and has made something entirely mundane and normally practiced into a “trend.” There was “time blocking,” a new task management system that was…scheduling your day with the use of a daily calendar. There was also a revolutionary “wellness trend” called silent walking; you go for a walk and do not bring your phone with you.

Now comes the next hot trend discovered by Generation Z. If you are beginning to feel as if purchasing coffee while on the road is becoming unwieldy and a costly experience, they have come up with an ingenious solution. The home cafe “trend” is a viable solution! 

You can actually…make your preferred caffeine beverage at home.


Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Will Conybeare - KTLA Channel 5

A new startup has pocketed $1 million in venture capital to bring to the public in a couple of weeks a new sport. Sperm racing. This appears to be a legitimate venture to be staged in Los Angeles.

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  • we've designed a microscopic racetrack that mimics the reproductive system—chemical signals, fluid dynamics, synchronized starts. High-resolution cameras track every microscopic move. it's all live-streamed, complete with stats, leaderboards, and instant replays....we're turning it into a spectacle. think press conferences. weigh-ins. live-streamed races with play-by-play commentary. and, of course, betting.


Distinguished Cultural Criticism

  • Deadline

Look, we understand that in the grand scheme this is a bit of a trifle. And yet, there is a journalistic issue when your outlet is actually dedicated to all things involving the cinema, and you fumble in this fashion.

With the recent passing of actor Val Kilmer, the movie trade outlet Deadline paid him tribute with an overview of his career. In promoting the piece, they intended to highlight it with an image from his turn as the Dark Knight in “Batman Forever.”

The problem is that in “remembering” Kilmer’s appearance, they forgot to double-check and instead displayed a graphic from his predecessor, Micheal Keaton.

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