In recognizing the dregs of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and general deserved media mockery, we have created "The Golden Remington Awards," a nod to the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on hefty wordsmith devices. With an eye to that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those who fail today in audacious fashion.

These are the inauspicious nominations, in several categories, for this year’s Remmys. 

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

• Michael Waters - The Atlantic

The press does love themselves some class warfare. However, maybe not everything somebody does is considered classist, just because they have a fat bank account and a privacy gate on their property. Mr. Waters strains to describe for us what is assumed to be a troubling trend: Rich people have a tendency not to close their curtains!

• An unexpected status symbol has become a fixture of high-end homes. Uncovered windows have quietly become a fixture of high-end homes across America. Most people do still close their shades, but Americans who earn more than $150,000 are almost twice as likely to leave windows uncovered as those making $20,000 to $29,000. 

Maybe they should donate their unused curtains to the less fortunate who have unadorned windows…

Uncovered windows have quietly become a fixture of high-end homes across America. How did ditching the curtains become such a common marker of wealth? @michaelwwaters reports: https://t.co/Wm6JKEyPHd

— The Atlantic (@TheAtlantic) February 18, 2024

 Distinguished National Reporting 

• Daniel Wu - Washington Post

The government is not the only entity working to prop up the electric vehicle market. The press does more than its share of work making EVs appear the ultimate solution for…anything, really.

Case in point: here is a piece where WaPo stretches to make the accomplishments these EVs are capable of by hyping a trip a couple made from the North Pole to the South in their modified Nissan ARIYA. The retrofitted SUV made the 20,000-mile trip, which sounds impressive. But - after nine paragraphs of detailing the various challenges and adventures they encountered - we then get delivered this rather vital piece of information:

• In between driving days, the Ramseys either slept inside their car or in a tent pitched on the ice. The remote location meant the Ramseys couldn’t eschew fossil fuels entirely — they recharged the vehicle using a gas-powered generator.

So yes, your cynicism toward the savior aspect of these vehicles remains well-placed.

They drove from the Arctic to the South Pole — in an electric car https://t.co/DwHGu5zSoc

— A Perry (@movie_perry) January 16, 2024

Distinguished National Reporting

• Patrick Smith - NBC News

Here we have proof that journalists think differently than the rest of us. Consider: If you were to hear that a human limb was discovered on the tracks of a subway line your mind would probably arrive to certain conclusions. Most likely there was contact with a moving train, maybe some accident transpired in the area, or even maybe some act of violence led to it being disposed of.

But at NBC News a report of a human leg spotted on the tracks was approached in a far more benign manner – it was likely just lost.

• A human leg has been found abandoned on a New York subway track, police said, sparking an investigation into who it once belonged to and how they lost it. Thousands of items are lost across the city's sprawling transport network every month, including all manner of more common things such a funeral urns, a welder's mask and a blender.

A human leg has been found abandoned on a New York subway track, police say. https://t.co/bX9h2gZved

— NBC News (@NBCNews) February 20, 2024

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• John Oliver - HBO/”This Week Tonight”

A sterling example of how the outraged standards announced by the left do not apply to the left was seen on the season debut of John Oliver’s show. He closed the episode with a walking lecture to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas imploring him to quit the bench. To allegedly motivate this result Oliver pledged to pay Thomas $1 million annually, as well as grant him a $2.5 million recreational vehicle. 

Of course, in the process of delivering the supposed humorous segment, John skips over a few thorny elements.

• There is the concept of him essentially purchasing a black man. (Whoops!)

• This also stands as looking very close to a bribery attempt, as he is striving to manipulate the makeup of SCOTUS – all done in the name of preserving democracy, of course.

Let's bribe John Oliver to get the heck out of America. https://t.co/j2sqrZICXZ

— Tim Graham (@TimJGraham) February 19, 2024

Distinguished Political Cartoons

• JD Crowe - AL.com

In looking at the issue of school vouchers in Alabama, Crowe felt that giving the choice to parents of moving their kids out of a failing school was the resurgence of segregation. That the concept of granting black parents the chance to place their kids in a better environment was the polar opposite of his claim was something completely lost on him.

Alabama school choice voucher plan is the bomb: Gov. Ivey and Alabama GOP lawmakers have a stealthy new name for resegregation https://t.co/b1Vp08PBr3 #ALPolitics pic.twitter.com/ip4bDZDafa

— JD Crowe (@CroweJam) February 19, 2024

Distinguished International Reporting

• Paul Faulkner - BBC

In what must pass for news in Britain, we get this gripping report from the town of Preston where it is suspected that an abandoned retail space could be used for unlicensed activity. Civic leaders were tipped off that a department store, closed for years, was possibly being used now for a snail-growing operation. An investigation was set to take place. "Officers are aware of the alleged unauthorized use and are investigating the matter," the spokesperson said.

As baffling as this is to be regarded as a serious news story, it defies common sense that there was no time to wait for investigators to determine if there was this alleged issue. Instead, the story had to be filed by a deadline, it would appear.

Probe into claims of snail farm in old BHS building https://t.co/jLjYCOwME9

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) February 16, 2024

Distinguished Cultural Criticism 

• Abi Wilkinson - The Guardian

Most people with their emotions in balance do not regard emojis - like, hardly at all. But if you are a card-carrying member of grievance culture or a journalist - and more likely both - then this is an area of deep concern. 

It may come as a surprise that these digital hieroglyphics on your phone could be problematic, but apparently they are, and one, in particular, is to be regarded as the “worst”. I sadly cannot explain to you why this is the case, as my apathy for such a topic was too encompassing to overcome and I was incapable of clicking on the link.

The ‘tears of joy’ emoji is the worst of all – it’s used to gloat about human suffering | Abi Wilkinson https://t.co/kA4JMc0tbN

— The Guardian (@guardian) November 24, 2016