Idiotic Media Pulitzer Nominations: Phallic Roads, Trump Goads, and Gwyneth's Loaves

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than meritorious excellence in journalism worthy of Pulitzer consideration.

This week, we once again recognize the exalted performances seen in our journalism industry and compile a list of worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. It has been the usual busy week for the staff to filter through the submissions and find worthy efforts, so let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.


Distinguished Breaking News

  • Brandy Zadrozny, NBC News

Following the recent announcement that Facebook decided to keep President Trump’s ban from its platform in place, he has turned to run his own blog as a means of getting his views out to the public. The press members who claimed to despise Trump’s persistent tweeting, which they persisted in reporting on, continue to insist how little they follow the man by still reporting on him. Brandy proves how inconsequential he is by writing 1,000 words about how few people care about the man anymore.


Distinguished Editorial Writing

  • Editorial Board, South Florida Sun-Sentinel

The paper joined in on the bash-fest seen last week targeting Governor Ron DeSantis, and they did not hold back on the scorn — just on the common sense, and research. For example, one gripe was over DeSantis calling for an election to fill a vacant federal House seat to be held in November, leaving the seat empty for the time being. Lost in their outrage, this was the date selected by the Democrat Election Supervisor of Broward County.

But the most curious outrage was declaring DeSantis a ”dictator” (the original headline, later quietly changed) and the proof of this authoritarianism shown by his desire to roll back mandates, allowing citizens to enjoy more liberty, and signing a series of bills derived from the duly elected representative legislature.

Nothing illustrates a tinpot dictator better than his desire to limit government activities and follow the protocols of democracy.


Distinguished International Reporting

  • Jesse O’Neil, New York Post

Now, THIS is infrastructure. We get served some vital activist news from across the Pacific, as we learn of a New Zealand resident who has taken up the cause of seeing that the roadways in his area are repaired and made more driveable. Geoff Upson, like many an Auckland resident, has tired of the voluminous amount of untended potholes in the region. He has indicated over 100 road hazards in the hopes of alerting the authorities of where they need to address the improvements.

Upson has taken to using neon green spray paint to mark the potholes and indicates them by drawing a penis where they are found. Presumedly he does this so they should not be too hard to find (ahem).


Distinguished Feature Photography

  • Doug Mills, New York Times

White House photographer Doug Mills is a long-respected photojournalist, and he captures a stirring moment of leadership in President Joe Biden. The juxtaposition with the Lincoln portrait is a stirring testament to the leader of the country, and it positions Biden as poised on the cusp of becoming a historical figure himself. Just one question: Is the President vaping in this shot, or blowing an Oscar Meyer weenie whistle?

Biden and Lincoln (Credit: Doug Mills NYT)

Distinguished Cultural Criticism

  • Kyle Buchanan, New York Times

In his piece on the emergence of a certain appealing sector in the rejuvenation of a Covid-addled entertainment industry, Kyle did not hold back. He notes one character recently seen on screen and raved — this was a man who has a great voice, high cheekbones, and is a loving father. ”Come on, the guy’s a catch,” raved Buchanan, listing this particular entry as one of his “quarantine crushes”.

He lists off a number of other characters who also hold a similar appeal. This sounds initially like some pedestrian celebrity swooning, save for the glaring reality of the headline — Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? An Investigation. I am beginning to think there is a growing sector in this country desperately in need of getting out of their locked-in condition. Kyle pontificates: Their ranks are ever-growing, but still I wondered: Are animated dads truly getting hotter, or are we just getting crazier?

This is presented as rhetorical, but on this matter, I am severely leaning on the latter.

AP/Reuters Feed Library

Distinguished Social Commentary

  • Poppy Noor, The Guardian

As we are slowly coming out of the anxiety-spiking pandemic you would think that the media would be there to both inform and possibly uplift, providing guidance and even delivering inspiring text to help us battle the conditions. Not at The Guardian — these folks are keeping it real! As Poppy lets us know in her column on dealing with the realities of Covid, The pandemic dragged even celebrities down so how were the rest of us mortals meant to hold it together? 

How, indeed?!?! As we see, there have been horrific challenges and life-altering sacrifices we all have had to take, but as we learn, even Gwyneth Paltrow has had to endure her unfair share of Covid Calamities.

Things got dark. She admitted to drinking as many as two cocktails a night during lockdown (quinoa-based whiskey cocktails, of course); and even sometimes eating bread and pasta.

Just hang on folks. If Gwyneth can get through this calamity there is indeed hope for us all.