Bill Maher May Have Just Delivered His Most Conservative Monologue Ever

(Photo by John Shearer/Invision/AP, File)

As I’ve written before, Bill Maher isn’t All Left, All The Time.

In fact, he’s frequently quite conservative.

At least, that is, as measured by an ever-drifting party line.


And on Friday’s edition of Real Time, the host hit upon what may be his most conservative segment yet.

At issue: the greatness of America.

Bill poured it on thick.

“Blind hatred of America,” he began, “is just as blinkered as blind love. And we Americans should really get some perspective about where we live.”

Now’s a perfect time to do so, given the horrific situation in the Middle East.

“Watching the [events] go down in Afghanistan, I was reminded lately of every conversation I’ve ever had with an immigrant, almost all of which…included the notion, ‘Oh, you people have no idea. All you do is…badmouth your own country. But if you knew about the country I came from, you’d stop [condemning] your own.’”

[Warning: Explicit Language]

It’s not something often heard on late-night TV.

Bill noted he’s “made fun of Republicans in the past for being overly sentimental” toward America.

However, liberals “have now gone too far in the other direction.”

In fact:

“They under-romanticize America. They have no perspective.”


He offered an example of true terror:

“Last week, the Taliban murdered a comedian. His name is Nazar Mohammad, and he made up funny songs on TikTok. They forced him into a car, tortured, and then executed him. A comedian. A thing like that hits a little close to home for me.”

One’s angle is everything:

“I’ve had two presidents up my [behind]. … [O]ne warned me to stop speaking my mind. … And…one sued me over a joke. And as president, (he) called me every name in the book…”

A video revealed former President Trump calling Maher “this idiot comedian,” a “crazy lunatic,” a “whack job,” and a “total nutjob.”

“Neither experience was pleasant,” the host observed, “but I didn’t have to worry about being dragged ’til I’m dead behind a Toyota Tacoma.”

He told viewers to “have a little perspective.”

Then he heftily bore down upon the woke:

“I’m sorry your professor said something you didn’t like. That won’t be a problem with the Taliban, because you’re not allowed to go to school. In Saudi Arabia, grown women can be jailed for doing the kind of things we think of as routine without the permission of a male guardian. China rounds you up if you’re the wrong religion and puts you in camps. More children in Burkina Faso work that are in school. Only 5% of Burundians have electricity. The homicide rate in Honduras is eight times what it is here. … The Philippines, in the last five years, has put to death 27,000 low-level drug dealers — my old job. In North Korea, people starve to death.”


Additionally, he socked it to socialism:

“The inflation rate in Venezuela is 2,719%.”

“If you think America is irredeemable,” he proposed, “turn on the news. …There’s a reason Afghan mothers are handing their babies to us.”

“And we should take them,” he made clear. “Americans right now should take in Afghan refugees into their homes and into their neighborhoods.”

Onto liberal hypocrisy:

“[I]’m sure everyone who just clapped is thinking the same thing: ‘Yes — someone who isn’t me should definitely do that.'”

Bill lit up those unable to view the country with unfiltered eyes:

“We’re not the bad guys. Oppression is what we were trying to stop in Afghanistan. We failed. But any immigrant will tell you, we’ve largely succeeded here. And yet, the overriding thrust of current woke ideology is that America is rotten to the core, irredeemably racist from the moment it was founded, and so oppressive, sexist and homophobic, we can’t find a host for the Oscars or Jeopardy.”

The man knows how to make a point:

“I’m sure you heard — the new Jeopardy guy is out because he said ‘boobies’ in 2014. And this is where your new [Afghan] roommates — that you took in — will prove so valuable because they’ll turn to you and say, ‘Have you people lost your [ever-loving] minds? … Have you ever heard of honor killings? Public beheadings? Throwing gay men off of roofs? Arranged marriages to minors? State-sanctioned wife beating? Female genital mutilation? Marriage by capture? Because we have.’”


He wrapped things with a joke, but it was pointed:

“America may not be the country of your faculty lounge and Twitter dreams, but no one here tries to escape by hanging on to an airplane.”

The comedian continued, “We wait ’til we’re inside the plane to fight. And then, only because they cut off the beverage service.”

Perspective definitely seems to have waned.

Over the weekend, Fox News covered the story of a California teacher under investigation for encouraging kids to pledge allegiance to the Pride flag.

She’s unquestionably pro-banner:

Her class was absent a U.S. flag because she’d removed it.

Her stated reason:

“[I]t made me uncomfortable.”

There’s a lot of that going around:


But it wasn’t around HBO’s Real Time Friday night.

Bill summarized thusly:

“[E]veryone from the giant dorm room [whine] session that is the internet should take a good look at what real oppression looks like.”



See more pieces from me:

With the Help of a Unicorn, College Students Are Schooled on Which Restroom to Use

‘Dancing With the Stars’ Announces Its First Same-Sex Pairing

Because of Course: Harvard’s New Head Chaplain Is an Atheist

Find all my RedState work here.

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