In these heavily pandemic’d times, people are being put in their place — which, so far as many in government are concerned, appears to be their homes.
Church congregations? Stay home.
Business owners? Stay home.
But what about enterprises that offer safety?
There are many — hospitals, fire departments…and, of course, sex shops.
Just ask Toronto’s Powers That Be — reportedly, they’ve decided to keep sex stores open in the interest of pubic health.
BlogTo.com delivers the news:
The province’s framework states that there are a few exceptions to the retail rule, including for supermarkets, grocery stores, convenience stores, hardware stores, other retailers selling groceries, beer and wine and liquor stores, pharmacies and safety supply stores.
Sex shop = safety supplier.
Don’t forget, you pervs — they’re just selling marital aids.
Including those underperforming balloons.
[A]dult sex shops carrying condoms and other types of protection are actually included in the “safety supply store” category.
— Candice Malcolm (@CandiceMalcolm) December 5, 2020
Veronica Kazoleas is surely relieved — she owns a safety supply store at 827 College Street called The Nookie.
The entrepreneur explained:
“We’re honored to support the sexual safety of our community during these unprecedented times.”
The woman’s really servicing the community:
“We’re particularly grateful to continue to serve marginalized populations who may not have a credit card or even the internet access that would allow them to order curbside pickup for our essential supplies.”
And if you still weren’t buying the safety thing, Veronica pointed out she’s protecting people from violence:
“We’re also grateful that people who may experience ostrasization [sic] or even violence from family members or intimate partners as a result of purchasing sexual safety supplies can do so safely and discreetly in store with cash.”
So if you’re in Canada and wanna stay safe, just head on over to The Nookie. You and a bunch of college students can achieve a much-needed victory over violence and other threats of being unsafe.
But not so fast on the use of your new safety gear — who knows better about proper order than the good people in the New York City government? In June, Bill DeBlasio’s crew issued guidelines for safety amid a COVID-19 conundrum.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Corona Sutra (Explicit Content Warning):
- Kissing can easily pass the virus. Avoid kissing anyone who is not part of your small circle of
- Maybe it’s your thing, maybe it’s not, but during COVID-19 wearing a face covering that covers your nose and mouth is a good way to add a layer of protection during sex. Heavy breathing and panting can spread the virus further, and if you or your partner have COVID-19 and don’t know it, a mask can help stop that spread.
- Masturbate together. Use physical distance and face coverings to reduce the risk. Condoms and dental dams can reduce contact with saliva, semen or feces during oral or anal sex. Visit nyc.gov/condoms to find out how to get free safer sex products. Washing up before and after sex is more important than ever.
- Rimming (mouth on anus) might spread the virus. Virus in feces may enter your mouth and could lead to infection.
- Make it a little kinky. Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.
So you can’t go to work, and you can’t go to church. But otherwise, have fun, you safety nuts.
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