Billy Sings the Blues: A Polyamorous Lover Waxes on the Difficulties of Quarantine With His Girlfriend and Her Boyfriend

FILE – In this May 14, 1999 file photo, Playboy founder and editor in chief Hugh Hefner receives kisses from Playboy playmates during the 52nd Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France. Hefner has died at age 91. The magazine released a statement saying Hefner died at his home in Los Angeles of natural causes on Wednesday night, Sept. 27, 2017, surrounded by family. (AP Photo/Laurent Rebours, File)

So we’re all staying home a lot more.

For some, it’s a bit like they’re stuck at home.

How’s that going, in close proximity with your roommates? Or your spouse?

Or how about with your girlfriend — and her other boyfriend?

Such is the case for Brooklyn’s Billy Procida, who’s lady love has a man love, Kyle (not his real name).

Billy, who’s a comedian, is presently hunkered down at Megan and Kyle’s Jersey City home.

He was just gonna spend a couple nights, but since he believes NYC’s headed for a shutdown, he’s chosen an extended stay with the man who has sex with his girlfriend. And also his girlfriend.

Recently, TheCut.com interviewed Billy to see how it’s all turning out.

As a way of background, Billy and Megan have been dating for 9 months; she’s been with Kyle for two and a half years.

It’s Billy’s first polyamorous relationship.

And here’s a new word for ya: A metamour, as per Medium, is “someone who is your partner’s partner, but with whom you have no romantic relationship.”

Here we go:

As for how he’s doing presently, Billy says he’s “hanging in as best as one can.”

Right — it’s a difficult time; there’s a toilet paper shortage, and his lover loves another.

He doesn’t know Kyle that well, but he’s trying to respect the space of the guy who squeezes his girlfriend’s Charmin.

They’ve all just had a holiday together — the other day, amid coronapanic, Megan celebrated her birthday.

Billy recalls:

“We didn’t get to do too much. We watched some TV shows, we smoked weed, I gave her some birthday sexual lovin’. It was really hard to celebrate because we were still getting new information and updates. It definitely brought a downer, but she says that she had a good birthday, all things considered, because she was surrounded by the two men that she loves.”

Speaking of the L word, who’s sleeping where? Well, there’s a bit of this:

“They have a two-bedroom apartment here, so I have been staying in the guest room. For the last couple of nights Megan’s slept in bed with me. But then last night, she fell asleep with me, and I woke up alone. I guess at some point in the night she went to Kyle’s room and slept with him. We’re on day four of me being here.”

Billy wants to be respectful to Kyle — who he doesn’t know well. He wouldn’t wanna mess up his metamour’s love life:

“[I] am personally approaching everything with a lot of caution, and trying to be as polite as possible. Because I’m in their space, I’m in his space, and I don’t wanna be encroaching on that. So if he’s like, ‘You need to open a window to smoke weed,’ I’m like, okay, I will make sure to do that.”

It’s just the kind of guy Billy is:

“Even if I wasn’t sleeping with anyone in the house, I would still want to be polite about their space. But because there’s that extra dynamic, I also don’t want any romantic strains on anybody.”

Plus, Megan and Kyle have had some problems; far be it from Billy to come between ’em:

“They’ve…been going through some relationship difficulties themselves, and I don’t want to exacerbate that by being a [jerk], or being entitled. But so far, it’s going okay. I’m trying to be polite without being too much. He’s kind of a somber, quiet fella, and I am ready to burst with energy at any moment.”

Sounds like the polyamorous Odd Couple.

But one thing about Billy — he’s easy to please:

“I can take as much or as little as [Megan] gives, so I keep reminding her that if she wants to spend a couple of nights sleeping in bed with Kyle, that’s great. I’m very flexible.”

Back to that Charmin thing, the comedian’s still adjusting. And he wants to make sure and be favored by Kyle:

“I still get a little cautious about how handsy to be with Megan in front of Kyle, how kissy to be in front of him. I’m trying to figure out when he would want to have a conversation and when he doesn’t. There’s a small little urge in me that’s like, Oh, I want him to like me. I also want everyone to like me. But of course you want your girlfriend’s other boyfriend to like you, I would imagine.”

Why of course.

But Billy appreciates one thing about the fact that someone else is sleeping with his girl, who isn’t (on those nights) sleeping with him — with another dude there, he doesn’t have to be all the man Megan needs. I guess he only has to be half:

“There’s a part of me that’s relieved that Megan has another person here, because then I don’t have to be everything to her. I don’t have to give her all the attention that’s needed, I don’t have to give her all of the cuddles that are needed, because she has another partner. In general, that’s the really cool thing about polyamory: I don’t feel the pressure of being everything for someone. And in a more stressful time like this, it is a relief to know that if I need to have alone time, she’s good with that, and if she does have a need, she can tap somebody else, so to speak.”

Lastly, what’s Billy biggest adjustment in this new living situation? He says it’s “trying to be as self-aware as possible.”

Aware, indeed.

So there you have it. However the Wuhan flu’s got you down, it could be worse: You could be fretting over whether your girlfriend’s boyfriend likes you, or whether you might catch it from him — either directly, or with your shared girlfriend as the transmitting vessel.

I bet it’s almost enough to make a man want to not share his woman with another man.

Almost.

-ALEX