Among the lessons I absorbed early on, from my father and my grandfather, was the importance of always telling the truth and the importance of being known as a man of your word - of keeping promises. I think I've lived up to them. Some years back there was a popular television show that was advertised with a photo of the main character looking grim and forbidding above the slogan, "Everybody Lies," at which I took some umbrage, telling my wife, "What garbage - not everybody lies. I don't lie." And, I don't.
But keeping promises is equally important. In my life I've made two promises that were more important than all the others; on the day my wife and I were married, I promised her father I'd always take care of her. After we had been married a few years and had kicked around long-term plans, we decided that Alaska would be our destination, and I promised my wife a house in the woods in the Great Land.
I kept the second promise. I'm still keeping the first one.
Keeping your word and your promises is one of the most important things one must do to be an acceptable member of a moral, human society. Here's why.
Promises extend into every aspect of our interactions with our fellows. When you sign a contract, be it a marriage contract, a mortgage, a student loan contract, or a purchase agreement for a new car or truck, you're making a promise. A promise to love, honor, and cherish--or just a promise to repay the loaned money--are all promises. Failure to live up to those promises has bad consequences: Divorce, repossession, eviction.
But there's even more to it than that.
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Keeping promises, and keeping your word, builds trust, reputation, and respect. Keeping promises builds trust between people, within institutions, within business affairs, and in all interactions personal and professional. Building trust is important, and once lost, it's hard to regain; keeping promises is essential to keeping that trust. It is as Aristotle wrote, many centuries ago:
Character is made by many acts; it may be lost by a single one.
Keeping promises strengthens relationships. Relationships are, or should be, built on trust. Being known for integrity, keeping one's word, and keeping promises, all work to strengthen relationships, personal and professional. Some years back, in my jacket-and-tie consulting days, I went out to see a new client, the owner of a one-man operation for whom I was to develop and implement a written quality system. I explained to him what I thought needed to be done, how long it would take, and what it would cost. He agreed, and said, "Go ahead and get started," but when I mentioned a contract, he shook his head. "Don't need one," he said. "We shook hands." Time was when that kind of trust was common. That client and I later became business partners and are still good friends - and his word is still his bond.
Keeping promises is essential for societal lubrication. Western society is built on the presumption of trustworthiness; that if one signs a contract, one will abide by its terms; if one enters into an agreement, one will fulfill his or her end of the bargain. There are and always have been people who cannot be trusted, who will welch on a deal, who will break promises, but it's important to note that there are still consequences, legal and societal, for those people. In other words, keeping promises (or not keeping them) makes one accountable for one's actions.
Keeping promises benefits both parties. The promise-maker gains respect, trust, admiration, and reputation. The person to whom the promise was made gains a relationship with a person upon whom one can rely, and who will deliver on a promise.
We deal too often in these virtual pages with politicians, many of whom have the unfortunate tendency to view a promise as merely a way to gain the temporary attention of voters; the very term "campaign promise" seems synonymous with "promises you know won't be kept." There are exceptions to this, but they seem few and far between. But there is nothing so important in the world of human interactions than promises made and promises kept.
It's one of the most important ways to gain and keep the respect of your fellows, and to lead a respectable life.
