If you, like me, are preparing to head out to fly somewhere for the holiday, you are, like me, probably looking forward to it with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. Air travel is always tiring and frequently stressful. Back in the days when I was a jacket-and-tie, high-speed, low-drag corporate consultant, I traveled by air all the time. It was generally on short notice, and often a long distance; I did business on four continents, and in case you haven't noticed, other continents tend to be a long way away. One of those trips, taken on three days' notice, took me from Denver to Chicago to Frankfurt, Germany to Johannesburg, South Africa - a 30+ hour odyssey that left my colleague and me exhausted.
Travel can have its frustrating moments - as when you're standing in line at the bag-check counter behind a family of eight who are taking along all of their worldly possessions, including the family dog, checking nineteen huge suitcases, then arguing with the clerk over the fees.
So, from a former pro, here are some tips to make your travel a little less stressful.
Travel light. You can always spot the amateur travelers, not least because they are usually struggling to check in with a dozen suitcases and the family dog, as noted above. But what really burns my bacon is the chap who brings an enormous backpack in and tries to stuff it in the overhead bin, taking up the entire space. The airlines do provide guides to see if your bag is within the allowable carry-on dimensions, but they rarely bother to enforce these rules; the schmuck with an enormous dog-coffin “carry-on” is all too often allowed to proceed. If you're traveling for a long weekend, most folks can make do with a standard, airline-approved carry-on. If not, then check your bag.
And don't be like the lady I saw once who placed her big straw sun hat all by itself in the overhead bin and got rather peeved when her seatmate wanted to use it for luggage.
Thousands Standing Around (TSA). If you fly regularly, the Pre-Check is worth it. But if you don't, look around at the lines. Get in line behind obvious business travelers. They are experienced and will get through quickly. Don't get in line behind a big family, or you'll be there a while.
Wear your shoes. When you're in your seat, it's OK to kick your shoes off and wiggle your toes. But put them back on when you get up to move about the cabin. Especially - most especially when you go to the bathroom. That is not water on the floor. Airplane bathrooms can be spotless at takeoff and completely heinous twenty minutes after the seatbelt sign goes off. Don't chance it.
Download entertainment in advance. Airline online entertainment systems are unreliable at best, and if you do online check-in and your airline offers previews of the movie selection they expect to have, bear in mind that those are often wrong. Download a few things onto your phone or tablet, and take along some good noise-canceling headphones - you'll be glad of those when the toddler three rows back starts raising Ned, too. And load some relaxing music as well. It will help you relax, perhaps even sleep.
When you check in, look at the seat map. Seats are often in flux over the last 24 hours, and if you check the seat map when you check in, you might be able to grab a better seat - window or aisle if you prefer, or closer to the bathroom. It's always worth a look. I've made a few notable scores by looking at the seat map just one more time before hitting "Complete" on the check-in menu.
Always have a towel. Douglas Adams had this bit right. When you need a towel, nothing else will do. Airplane bathrooms have paper towels that come apart if you glance at them too hard; if you're on a longer flight and manage some sleep, if you're like me you'll want to wash your face when you wake up, and there's no substitute for a good towel to stimulate the circulation in the old mug after a good wash.
Be quiet. Especially on long flights or overnight flights, when people are trying to get a little sleep. Granted most people are already pretty considerate about this sort of thing, but I've seen some notable exceptions, including one pencil-neck on a long, long flight from Osaka to San Francisco who insisted on playing his bongo drums during the flight until someone (me) suggested that his continued health and well-being depended on him ceasing and desisting, which suggestion was greeted by applause from the other passengers. To this suggestion, I will also add, don't get drunk. An adult beverage or two can help you relax but don't get carried away, either in the airport bar or on the plane.
And last, but certainly not least:
Never pass up a chance to pee. You never know when you might get another.
Happy travels, and have a great Thanksgiving!
