Florida Man does get around - and Florida isn't the only known location of these kinds of crazy rednecks and their amusing shenanigans.

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The Florida Man events got me thinking, though: What would the Alaska Man Games look like?

Alaska has some famous competitions, chief among them the Iron Dog race and, of course, the famous Iditarod. In the schools, hockey is a big deal. The annual Big Lake Gun Show is held as a fundraiser for the Big Lake High School boy's hockey team; imagine, for a moment, a school in Massachusetts having a gun show as a fundraiser! The screeches of liberals would blow the roof off. And, of course, there is the famous Glacier View Car Huck.

There are some great native competitions, too, which look fun. The Yupik play a game called Angkalutn (Keep Away) in which a caribou-skin ball is tossed between team members, with one team trying to pass it back and forth as many times as possible without letting the other team capture it. The Eyaks play a gambling game with hand-carved, chair-shaped wooden dice, while the Athabascans play a sit-down tug-of-war game with a thong and two sticks, in which the two opponents sit, place the soles of their feet together, and pull on the thong until one of them is raised off his fundament.

Those could be fun, but if all of us in the Great Land are going to compete with the famed Florida Man, we need some distinctly Alaskan events to compete with the Florida Man Games. It should come as no surprise to anyone that I have some ideas.

1. The Great Grizzly Race. The starting line of this race is placed 100 yards from a large, easily climbable spruce tree. Behind the starting line is a cage containing a half-starved, angry grizzly bear. The racers line up, and at the moment the starting gun is fired, the bear's cage door is thrown open. The first racer to make it to the tree and ascend at least twenty feet into the branches wins; the last to make it to the tree is the loser, and quite possibly lunch.
2. The Dipnet Dipping Challenge. This event is held on the Kenai Peninsula during the Personal Use Fishery. Each contestant is placed on the bank for the first round, and in a boat offshore for the second round; the first contestant to dip up a limit of salmon takes the prize, along with filling his freezer.
3.  The Winter Chill Brag-Off. This event requires some careful analysis by the judges. Held in a tavern, where adult beverages are encouraged (to make the stories more outrageous), the contestants exchange brags about how cold the previous winter was at their own family home. The most outlandish story wins.
4. The Fast-Draw MacGraw. In this competition, each contestant is placed on a range with a holstered revolver. On each lane, fifty yards from the firing line, a full-sized fake moose is mounted on a rail, aimed directly at the shooters; when the moose is fired full-moose-speed at the shooter, they are free to draw and start shooting. The contestant who scores the most hits on the fake moose before being run over wins.
5. The Great Pallet Challenge. Each contestant is supplied a stack of wooden shipping pallets, several rolls of tarpaper, and some sheet steel roofing. The contestant who builds the best cabin, judged by how rain- and snow-proof it is along with heat retention (measured by an infrared scanner) with the provided materials wins.

Local games bring with them a sense of community. The winners become local celebrities, and rural and small-town dwellers look forward to next year's competition with bated breath. The Florida Games will do this for Florida; the Alaska Games could do this for Alaska. Have any event ideas for your state? The comments are yours!