Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the tulip fields, now we see that Dutch authorities are warning us of a venomous African green mamba that escaped from its owner in the town of Tilburg. 

An "extremely venomous" two-meter [nearly seven-foot]-long green mamba snake is on the loose in the Netherlands,  police said Tuesday, warning residents to stay indoors and under no circumstances attempt to ensnare the serpent. 

Police in the southern Dutch city of Tilburg said they were alerted by the mamba's owner on Monday evening that "he was missing a snake." 

Issuing a wanted poster with a mugshot of the coiled green mamba, police warned: "The snake is very dangerous." 

Police said that they had contacted several experts in the country to see how the snake can be located in the home "as quickly as possible." The search will include a sniffer dog, they added. 

The African green mamba has a nasty neurotoxin venom, and its bite can be extremely dangerous, but authorities--while urging caution--no doubt wish to avoid panic; it won't help for the Dutch populace to become hissterical. In the cold climate of the Dutch winter, the tropical snake is unlikely to be viperactive. In fact, it may well still be in the owner's house; it's not as though the snake could commandeer a vehicle and flee, not even an ana-Honda. And it's likewise certain that the snake won't be boarding an aircraft back to Africa, which would transform it from a Green Mamba to a Boeing Constrictor.

 "He likes dark and warm spaces. If he finds that, he will be very passive," the [police] statement said. 

 Green mambas, which are native to coastal regions of southern East Africa, are extremely venomous carnivores, according to the  Pretoria Zoo. 

 "Case reports of rapidly fatal outcomes, in as little as 30 minutes, have been recorded for this species," the zoo said.

The authorities caution the populace (the translation doesn't inspire adderation):

What should I do if I hit (sic) the snake?

• Stay away, stay calm and inquire (sic) bystanders;
•  Call 911 immediately;
•  Don't catch the snake yourself.

Various animals seem to be determined to cause trouble in recent weeks. First, it was beavers unleashing Arctic methane (it's unclear how that differs from ordinary methane), and horses bursting loose from their airborne stable; even small cetaceans seem to be able to help each other out, although they certainly aren't volunteering to contribute to the national budget or help human society in any other tangible form. They may be smart enough to become real-estate flippers but show no inclinations to do so.

Back to snakes. I could rattle off a few good snake stories myself; in the northeast Iowa hills where I grew up, venomous rattlesnakes were common, some growing up to 72 inches in length--you have to measure them in inches because they don't have feet--and while their skins made great hatbands, which one could show off at the local boa-ling alley, they weren't bad eating, either. You just had to be careful to stay away from the sharp end, and the residents of Dutch Tilburg would be well-advised to do the same.

Samuel L. Jackson was unavailable for comment.

This seems appropriate.