It doesn't matter who you are, where you are in life, or your chosen profession: you never stop learning and growing. That's certainly been the case for me in my caregiving journey.
It's a journey that actually started when my Mom became more involved in my Dad's care later on in life. Even though I lived on my own at the time, I was going back to their house every other week and staying for several days at a time, helping her out and helping him in the process.
As I've mentioned before, there is a significant difference between caring for a person - which we all do with family members - and caregiving for them. Though I stepped into the role of caregiver for my mom without hesitation four and a half years ago, the responsibility didn't come as naturally to me as it did for her.
With her being a mom of three and also, at one point, taking care of my grandmother (her mom) for the last few years of her life, she had decades of experience with the ups and downs, and the highs and lows. So I was thankful to God for what I learned from watching and assisting her.
But though I was immensely grateful for the lessons learned in being my mom's "understudy," nothing quite fully prepared me for going from merely the helper to the full-time, round-the-clock caregiver.
One of the most difficult things - something I didn't anticipate - was how challenging the role reversals would be to get used to. After all, our parents are, generally speaking, the guiding forces in our lives, the ones we go to when we need that unconditional shoulder to lean on.
But when you become a caregiver to a parent, those roles oftentimes switch to some extent, depending on the level of responsibility. This isn't to say they aren't still your guiding force and shining light, but there's just a different and sometimes awkward dynamic involved.
Due to the overwhelming grief Mom was experiencing after losing my dad, and also because she was going through her own health issues, which we later found out stemmed from colon cancer, I was the one who began making the doctors' appointments and keeping up with them. I also became the point person for insurance questions, medication questions, etc.
I did more growing up between 2022 and 2023 than I ever had in my life, in part because managing it all was something mom could no longer do on her own, and in part because she needed a steady force in her life - someone to be her eyes and ears through all the challenges she was hit with after my dad passed away.
But me? Be a steady force? Even though I was a grown woman with a life and career of my own, I wasn't always "steady" in the choices and decisions I made for myself on a daily basis. I wasn't responsible for anyone but me, myself, and I, and my actions reflected that. Could I rise to the occasion for the most important person in my life in her time of need?
Some days, I think the jury is still out on that question. But in that first year or two after Mom's diagnosis, I think on balance that I did. Human beings have this amazing ability to get it together and prioritize what needs to be done and how to get it done when their backs are up against the wall, especially when it comes to situations where the health and well-being of a loved one is involved. And I was no exception to the rule.
But man, am I still learning and growing with this. There are times when it is so hard, and I feel like a complete failure, and there are other times when I marvel at how a plan came together, thanks mostly to some creative maneuvering on my part.
The days I consider a success are the ones where Mom and I are relaxing comfortably at the end of it, and where I can confidently claim I got the most important things on the "to-do" list checked off of it. Those days are few and far between, but I've learned to appreciate them when they happen.
