Several days ago, a Whole Foods location in Austin, Texas was accused of selling a gay pastor a cake with a homosexual slur on it.

I’m gonna stop this guy right here. The first element to pulling off a hoax is that it has to be something that at least some people might believe. Who would possibly believe that a Whole Foods in Austin, Texas would put a gay slur on someone’s cake? If this guy wanted to pull off a hoax that might have gotten somewhere, he should have driven to Waco and tried to scam an Albertson’s. But I digress.

Anyway, the pastor, Jordan Brown, claimed that after requesting a cake with the words “Love Wins” on it, he received a cake that said “Love Wins F*g.”

As you probably guessed from basically the first second you heard this story, it’s not exactly holding up well under scrutiny. Whole Foods is showing that they are not a company you want to mess around with, when it comes to impugning their carefully cultivated liberal/liberatarian image.  Not only have they released a statement indicating they intend to sue Mr. Brown and his lawyer for defamation of character, they have also released security footage showing the UPC label was on the top of the box when it left the store.  Both can be viewed below:

After a deeper investigation of Mr. Brown’s claim, we believe his accusations are fraudulent and we intend to take legal action against both Mr. Brown and his attorney. Here’s what we know:

• Our bakery team member wrote “Love Wins” at the top of the cake, which was visible to Mr. Brown through the clear portion of the packaging. That’s exactly how the cake was packaged and sold at the store. Whole Foods Market has a strict policy that prohibits team members from accepting or designing bakery orders that include language or images that are offensive.
• Brown admits that he was in sole possession and control of the cake until he posted his video, which showed the UPC label on the bottom and side of the box.
• After reviewing our security footage of Mr. Brown, it’s clear that the UPC label was in fact on top of the cake box, not on the side of the package.  This is evident as the cashier scans the UPC code on top of the box, which you can view here.
• We stand behind our bakery team member, who is part of the LGBTQ community, and we appreciate the team members and shoppers who recognize that this claim is completely false and directly contradicts Whole Foods Market’s inclusive culture, which celebrates diversity.

Yours Truly, Whole Foods Market

Is this what the LGBT community has been reduced to? Laughably fake claims of discrimination against one of the most hippie-driven corporate entities on earth? Are there really so few instance of actual discrimination against gay people in America that they have to just invent them to keep the drumbeat going? If so, they might want to consider moving on to find other grievances.