Jeb Is Here To Save Us From The Yellow Peril

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Jeb Has Nothing To Offer America

Jeb has nothing to offer America. He has no original ideas, and he will appropriate anything that gets a popular buzz off of others regardless of how toxic the idea is and regardless of how nauseating the source. He leeches off the same elitist pig donor class as Hillary Rodham Clinton*. He copies his condescending Braham Socialism off of Green Mountain Nut-Job Bernie Sanders. Now, given the recent polling bubble in support of Mr. Drumpf, Jeb has glibly appropriated the low-brow racism of the 1930’s German Beer Keller. Jeb wants to be hip as well, so he’s here to save us from the Yellow Peril.

Jeb’s latest effort to prove he can govern like a severe conservative reminds me of an old, politically incorrect episode of The Little Rascals. You see, one of the kid’s mothers was pregnant. Then another kid found a newspaper and discovered that 1/4th of the world’s children were Chinese. The Rascals then managed the awesome logical fallacy of assuming that the new baby had a 25% chance of being Chinese and this scared them. They were little kids. They at least had that excuse. I sincerely doubt that Jeb has poor enough home training to actually believe anything similar. But he sure doesn’t mind pandering to people who are just about that stupid.

And pandering is exactly what Jeb is engaged in. I question the presence of any soul or an inner core in the man. It reminds me of how Paul Tsongas felt as he ran against Bill Clinton for the Democratic Nomination. We are seeing the GOP version of The Pander Bear. Perks for billionaires? Sure, just stroke me a check. Free edumacayshun? You got it! Step right up folks! Nativism?** We’ve got that for a dollar! If you’re a friend of Sarah Silverman and worried about how Jeb would approach Planned Parenthood, just cut him a check. He’ll be fine with the organ-trafficantes.

Jeb has nothing to offer America. He has no original ideas, and he will appropriate anything that gets a popular buzz off of others regardless of how toxic the idea is and regardless of how nauseating the source. Given a choice between Vladimir Trump and Jeb, I may just stay home on Primary Day. That’s how little I now respect Mr. Bush.

*-Which implies his policy direction if elected would not be substantially different.

**-Just aimed at groups of people who do subversive things like work hard, go to church and earn PhDs.