The Draft Biden Movement Exists. Bob Uecker Was Sadly Unavailable.

Unlike Joe Biden, Uecker Was Only Kidding.
Unlike Joe Biden, Uecker Was Only Kidding.

Does Eleanor Clift even enjoy the rush of meeting deadline anymore? I’m sure she enjoys a certain salary with nice perks, but this? Really?

What? My five or so Constant Readers bemusedly ask. This! It’s gotten this bad for her and for the political organization for which she serves as a devoted mascot. Are you ready for President Biden? She plaintively asks.

If these were ordinary times, a happy warrior like Joe Biden would be first out of the starting gate in the race for president. It would be so easy; politicking is what he loves to do.

Why I’ve even got the perfect theme song for his campaign. I’m here to be bipartisan here and not fly strafing runs against the mentally handicapped.*

Sorry guys, this is huge. This series. This is huge AND serious. There really are people devoid of meaningful lives and willing to sell out for the sake of comedy. That guy over there in the clown hat is the executive director of Biden For America!

“Our goal is to have one party in each state, including Alaska,” says executive director Will Pierce. Even Alaska?

Literaly. It’ll be storybook, Man. So what’s really happening? Two things.

Hillary is the New Coke. Two hours after opening, left in the hot sun and not served with ice. The Iowa Democratic Party has no drama here to fundraise off of. If one party in Iowa has a competitive caucus while the other is dormant, they are short $$$. Thus, they are attempting to prop up Capt. Malaprop in order to create drama when none exists.

I wish I actually could take Biden seriously as a Dem Party nominee. I guess I really do dislike them that much. Literally. Instead, they’ll find somebody clean and articulate like Gov. Chest Rockwell…Oops, sorry, Governor Martin O’Malley.

*-OK, so I lied. Welcome to the Internet!