Banning abortion the EPA way!

Thomas Sowell has an article out today about the latest incidence of mission creep from the EPA. To summarize: the EPA has wide discretion when it comes to oil spills. Milk contains oil. Therefore, the EPA has wide discretion over milk spills, too – which includes requiring ’emergency plans’ and ‘first responders’ and ‘extra storage tanks’ from dairy farmers in order to handle such life- and civilization-threatening events as milk getting spilled*. And, no, this is not an exaggeration: Cato reported on this back in June. This is happening.

Now, Hot Air and Ace of Spades both waxed wroth on this, in their individual ways – but I asked myself, Self? How can I make this work for us? And lo! – the answer was easy.

Follow the logic chain:

The EPA has wide discretion when it comes to oil spills.
That means that the EPA has wide discretion when it comes to oil producers, or equipment used to produce oil, or oil in general.
The EPA has decided that its discretion when it comes to oil extends to milk, which contains oil.
This clearly means that the EPA is claiming that it can regulate activities and situations involving organic, living entities that produce milk.
Human women are organic, living entities that produce milk.
For that matter, human tissue contains various oils. These oils are not petroleum-based – but then, neither is the oil in milk.
Medical facilities thus qualify in multiple senses as areas subject to EPA regulations and restrictions when it comes to oil production and disposal.
This includes facilities used for abortions, obviously.
To the best of my knowledge, no abortion facility has ever been tested and/or evaluated for oil spill contamination.
Clearly, then, the next sitting Republican President must immediately draft and sign an Executive Order requiring that all abortion facilities be immediately closed down until they can be determined to be clean of hazardous materials, as per the EPA’s own rules on cleaning oil spill sites.
And, of course: should there be contamination by the EPA’s existing standards, there will need to be fines. Serious ones, so that people will take EPA regulations seriously.