OK, so this story isn't exactly "BREAKING NEWS," but here's the thing:
It's Friday, meaning we sometimes post lighter fare on Friday than on other days. Moreover, you gotta admit it's a bit funny — given the silly, decades-long joke that I refuse to include in the article — at least the punchline, I mean.
Funny, that is, except for the chicken, who's no longer with us.
Anyway, a Florida woman is behind bars for allegedly attacking another driver for running over a chicken in Key West as it attempted to — everybody, now — cross the road. See? I blew it already.
As reported by Law and Crime on Tuesday, the suspect in the case was identified as 38-year-old Cynthia Diaz Sosa, who told officers of the Key West Police Department she had stopped her car and was "waiting to let a chicken cross the road” when the dastardly deed was done by another driver.
Apparently, one of three things occurred.
One, the other driver didn't see the chicken. Two, the driver saw the chicken but tried to avoid it. Or three, the driver intentionally ran over the chicken — perhaps evilly so, with the "joke that shall not be mentioned" in mind.
Sosa, 38, was charged with two counts of aggravated battery and one count of burglary with assault or battery in connection with the July 9 incident, according to the Key West Police Department.
Woman attacks man for killing chicken on the road.
— Dwaine Froment (@garagepolitic) July 18, 2025
The bigger question is, why was the chicken crossing the road? pic.twitter.com/875cVy8Xq2
Sosa told law enforcement officers she wanted to teach that driver “a lesson,” and gave chase.
When she finally caught up with the alleged chicken murderer, Sosa allegedly struggled to open the driver's door, and when she finally got it open, she attacked the driver and another person in the car by... wait for it... spraying both occupants with bear spray.
Yup, you can't make this one up.
Sosa's arrest report spells out what she said happened when she caught up with and engaged the other driver on Petronia Street in Key West:
"She was stopped in traffic … waiting to let a chicken cross the road, when [the victim] began honking at her and later passed her, running over the chicken," cops say.
"Cynthia later followed her because she was angry that she killed the chicken. Cynthia later got out of her vehicle and approached [the victim's] driver's door, attempting to open it," the report alleges.
"They began fighting over the door. Cynthia wanted to 'teach her a lesson,' so she pulled out her bear mace and sprayed it into the vehicle, spraying Perla directly in the face while she was seated inside."
Police later found and arrested Sosa on two counts of aggravated battery, along with the other charges.
As reported by CBS News in July 2024, feral chickens are a thing in Key West:
In quirky Key West, Florida, it's not just tourists flocking to town, feral chickens have found their tropical paradise.
And Key West City Commissioner Clayton Lopez has got a beef. They're "everywhere," he says, with entire chicken families often seen crossing roads.
A resolution introduced by Lopez, which is now law, bans feeding chickens on public property.
"What I am looking to do is to try and address the health issues of humans, as well as the chickens," Lopez said.
Alas, for the unidentified, recently deceased chicken, the proposed ban has yet to happen.
Anyway, the next time you hit up KFC, or maybe Popeyes Louisiana Chicken, share a moment of silence, if you will, for the unfortunate chicken who didn't make it across the road.
Oh, and there are no such things as boneless chicken wings — but that's another story for another time.
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