The walls of the New York governor’s mansion are closing in fast on embattled Andrew Cuomo and he knows it. The “Luv Guv” made that clear in a press release late Sunday, following accusations of inappropriate sexual advances by a second former staffer, including allegedly asking the 25-year-old former aide if she slept with older men, and telling her he was “open to relationships” with “anyone above the age of 22.”

In the press release, Cuomo “shockingly” went with the standard “I was just playing around but now that I think about it I might have been misinterpreted” defense.

‘BEING PLAYFUL’: Disgraced @NYGovCuomo releases new statement about sexual harassment accusations https://t.co/0oKyrPIMZT

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 28, 2021

First, the “I never intended to offend anyone” schtick. (It’s a New York thing. “Schtick.”)

“Questions have been raised about some of my past interactions with people in the office. I never intended to offend anyone or cause any harm. I spend most of my life at work and colleagues are often also personal friends.

“At work sometimes I think I am being playful and make jokes that I think are funny. I do, on occasion, tease people in what I think is a good-natured way. I do it in public and in private.

“You have seen me do it at briefings hundreds of times. I have teased people about their personal lives, their relationships, about getting married or not getting married.

“I mean no offense and only attempt to add some levity and banter to what is a very serious business.”

Otherwise known as the couching of the mea culpa, which he began with a faux epiphany.

“I now understand that my interactions may have been insensitive or too personal and that some of my comments, given my position, made others feel in ways I never intended.

“I acknowledge some of the things I have said have been misinterpreted as an unwanted flirtation. To the extent anyone felt that way, I am truly sorry about that.”

Translation: He got caught. Twice. Now he’s trying to save his ass.

Cuomo did, however, explicitly deny that he “touched anybody” and claimed he “never propositioned anybody,” as reported by Fox News, which directly contradicts the claims made by his first accuser, former aide Lindsey Boylan, who alleged the governor touched her and forcibly kissed her on the lips. And the over/under on Cuomo lying is?

“I never intended to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but these are allegations that New Yorkers deserve answers to,” Cuomo said. “That’s why I have asked for an outside independent review that looks at these allegations.”

Yeah, no. You asked for an outside independent review after Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Jerald Nadler, and other prominent New York lawmakers demanded one following your attempt to hand the investigation to a retired judge who is a former law-firm colleague of Steve Cohen, your former top aide.

“Separately,” Cuomo said, “my office has heard anecdotally that some people have reached out to Ms. (Charlotte) Bennett (Cuomo’s second accuser) to express displeasure about her coming forward. My message to anyone doing that is you have misjudged what matters to me and my administration and you should stop now – period.”

Pardon the skepticism, governor, but what a complete and utter load of crap.

“What matters to you and your administration”? Why didn’t you “stop” before you “allegedly” asked a 25-year old member of your administration if she sleeps with older men, and “allegedly” tell her you’re good to go with anyone over 22? You got caught. You lied. You got caught again. The walls began to close in. Now you’re “truly sorry.”

The only thing you’re “truly sorry” about is everything I just said.

Incidentally, I’m gonna go ahead and mark Rose McGowan down as a “maybe,” based on her response to Cuomo’s press release.

STOP GASLIGHTING. STOP LYING. STOP VICTIM BLAMING. You are an abuser. Own it. Resign. ⁦@NYGovCuomo⁩ https://t.co/ckZGAiUtWI

— Rose McGowan (@rosemcgowan) March 1, 2021

And a nicely-played bit of satire, compliments of MSDNC.

#BREAKING:

Andrew Cuomo releases definitive proof sexual harassment allegations are 100% false. pic.twitter.com/dOJUt0Te2k

— MSDNC – Commentary & Satire (@MSDNCNews) February 28, 2021

Besides, governor, remember when your office called Lindsey Boylan’s accusations “simply false”? Me too. And it appears that a rapidly growing number of New Yorkers on both sides of the political aisle do, as well. The best-laid plans, right? And you had it all figured out.

Hear that sucking sound, Gov. “Leadership“? That’s your political future leaving town in a hurry. Turn out the lights, “Luv Guv,” the party’s over. You just don’t know it, yet.