I’ve never decorated my yard for Halloween, although I did once sit motionless on my front porch swing wearing a scary mask, and lurch at small kids as they rang the doorbell — until my wife got mad at me and told me to knock it off. But if I were going to decorate for Halloween this year, I’d be hard-pressed to outdo this guy’s “scariest thing I could think of.”
As reported by the New York Post, Nashville designer James Worsham doesn’t usually decorate for Halloween, either, but this year he decided to make an exception — although not with the usual ghosts, skeletons, black cats, and other scary stuff most people opt for. Instead, he went with the one thing that has been scariest to all of America, this year:
“It was the scariest thing I could think of. I had scrap wood laying around so I decided to put it to good use. And I’m kind of known for cheesy dad jokes so I figured why not put one literally on my lawn.”
If I were writing for the satire site Babylon Bee, I’d now write: “Worsham’s choice was immediately seconded by every man, woman, and child in America.”
“For the first time, I decorated for Halloween!”, Worsham proudly proclaimed on Instagram.
As the NY Post reported, Worsham has been personally “hit” by 2020 more than most of us. In addition to the COVID-19 pandemic, he had “some awful family scares,” and his work studio was destroyed by a tornado in March, which led to an “insurance nightmare” that forced him to close his business for four months.
“So all of my work dried up. Insurance kind of pulled a fast one on me. We had some, you know, awful family health scares. And it was just pretty much one of the worst years I can remember.”
But Worsham put it all into perspective — which has sometimes been hard for many Americans to do during what has been a scary year indeed.
“Hey, it could’ve been worse, though. I tell myself that every day […] that no matter what, I’m still breathing. I can still make a bad dad joke or two. And there’s always tomorrow.”
And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Despite COVID, the riots — AKA: “peaceful protests” — and whatever else has befallen us, “there’s always tomorrow.” That is, unless, pandering Democrat Joe Biden wins the White House and the Democrats regain control of the Senate. That, America, would call for an entirely different yard display altogether.
Maybe something along these lines.
A video of Nancy Pelosi glitching on a news broadcast.
I see this happen all the time with celebrities & politicians and it never ceases to freak me out
But those eyebrows are just as scary. pic.twitter.com/2J6J6gRaCe
— Valerian (@MrMoeOthman) October 16, 2020
And, guys — don’t sit on your front porch in a frightening mask and scare little kids when they ring the doorbell. I can tell you from personal experience, it won’t turn out well for you.