Foreign policy questions can be vexing, it is known. How is any one person supposed to be an expert on complicated issues that are happening in any one of over 180 countries across the globe? Really, it is foolish and reckless to even try.

Attempting to understand the complicated history of Russia and Ukraine is not the way to peace and self-understanding. Clear all thoughts of these distractions from your mind.

Focus instead on the words of Donald Trump as he spoke to a pro-Ukrainian conference today. In the lengthy, awkward pauses helpfully provided herein, focus and reflect inward on the many ways in which striving to be like The Donald – or, worse, striving to understand The Donald – has caused you needless pain and suffering.

Allow these petty things to fall away. Imagine, instead, that you are in a room full of people who speak English. There is no translator present. Yet you must wait an appropriate time for a translator to translate your sentences into another language, even though no such person exists.

In this way you will finally understand the challenge of drinking tea from an empty cup. And you will be one step closer to the Nirvana of Trump.

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