If you are one of those people who think you need to go back to work to support your family and pay your rent in a week, you’re a raging moron and a murderer.

At least that’s the narrative we’ve been getting from the fringes of the Stay Home, Stay Safe crowd.

When and how to reopen is a legitimate discussion that needs to be had. We won’t all agree on the right way to proceed, but it’s beginning to seem pretty obvious that the people who are for indefinite lockdown seem to be the people who are still working or have a steady, unthreatened source of income. The conversation has quickly become unbearable, due in no small part to the hypocrisy of the mainstream media talking heads. It is a glaring representation of the disconnect between elites and the rest of America. From DeBlasio taking trips to the gym after he locked down New York to the Governor of Virginia taking his private jet back and forth to his beach home, the contrast between Elite America and everyone else has never been more stark.

That is…until now.

Enter the Cuomos. Andrew Cuomo has had an up and down relationship with President Trump lately, praising the President for helping with equipment but criticizing the President for commenting on possible treatments like hydroxychloroquine (Cuomo has since backed off his opposition). Brother Chris Cuomo has spent the last two months spewing venom at anyone who dares to take Trump seriously. His own network won’t even cover the President’s daily briefings, even though it would seem prudent to air the direct source of any information you disseminate as a “journalistic” outlet. Cuomo has also had a few choice words for people who want to get back to business in this country. A quick trip through his Twitter feed will result in a myriad of instances of Chris imploring people to stay home and interviewing medical professionals who think we should be staying on lockdown until the fall. There is also no shortage of Cuomo scolding Trump and Trump supporters for not properly heeding “the experts” and for allegedly ignoring science and medicine.

Yet, Chris and his wife — who have both tested positive for COVID-19 — have been spotted outside milling around and riding bikes as they supervise the build of their newest home in the Hamptons.

Stay at Home, Stay Safe for THEE but not for ME!

And of course not. Why would they stay home? Those orders are for peasants…the unwashed masses who live super gross lives anyway and aren’t smart enough to know how not to spread the disease. Chris and his wife…they know. So obviously it’s okay for them to break quarantine. Sure, Mrs. Chris Cuomo hasn’t yet completed her 14-day quarantine but she doesn’t need to because she knows something you morons don’t — she knows how to get rid of COVID-19.

In the most ridiculous blog post I’ve seen in at least five years, Cristina Cuomo — the sister-in-law of a Governor who thrashed Trump for touting hydroxychloroquine and the wife of a man who thinks anyone wanting to reopen the economy is not a fan of science and medicine — outlined her “quarantine regimen” for getting healthy and balancing her energy. If you’ve ever wondered just how disconnected these people are from your everyday reality, you’ll never find a better example than this. This blog post makes GOOP seem like the Target-brand of lifestyle blogging.

First, Cristina tells us how stressful her life has been lately. She’s had so many challenges. COVID? Sure. Husband with COVID? Yeah, but not just that…sinus infections.

This past week was very challenging for me. What started as a sinus cold escalated into nightly sinus headaches and tough breathing.

Not the same as losing your job and your home and your business but still…challenging. But not to worry. Cristina has an herbal regimen designed to help with the stress and “push out” the COVID.

I stayed on the course I set for Chris of oxygenated herbs:

3 Sinex daily

3 Antivirals daily

3 KappArrest daily

3 OXO (nontoxic quinine) daily. Here’s one you can buy from Cinchona officinalis—Peruvian bark. This is essential to oxygenate the blood.

I made a liver-cleansing beverage with one raw garlic clove, one orange, one lemon, a tablespoon of cayenne pepper, a spoonful of olive oil, a crunch of ginger and a piece of turmeric. On the days I was also in isolation, I made a big batch in advance and kept it in the fridge.

Zinc

Alka C—6000 mg per day (helps reduce the inflammation this virus causes all over the body)

3 Vitamin B

2 Vitamin D

Echinacea Osha—3 droppers full daily

Respiratory Response—3 droppers full daily

Glutathione powder

Two medicinal florals: xanthium and magnolia

Viracid from Orthomolecular—available online

Guys, I don’t even know what you’re complaining about. The road to health is right there. You’d be a lot more mellow about losing your life savings if you could just find some Peruvian bark. How hard is this?

But the very sound and expert medical advice doesn’t end there. Cristina suggests getting a vitamin drip. Even though her husband and brother-in-law have been scolding New Yorkers for engaging in non-essential activities, she’s got a “doctor” who will come right to her Hamptons home (in a full hazmat suit, of course, so it’s fine, you guys) and do a vital vitamin IV drip. “Essential” is whatever you make it, apparently.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, when my sinus congestion was painful, I enlisted Dr. Roxanna Namavar from Pretty Healthy NYC, who also does vitamin drips at home in the Hamptons. She shows up in her full hazmat outfit and 3M mask. I got magnesium, NAC (a precursor to glutathione, said to be very helpful against COVID-19), vitamin C with lysine, proline, and B complex, folic acid, zinc, selenium, glutathione and caffeine (to combat the headache).

It doesn’t end there. Duh. None of it even counts if you don’t take a bleach bath. Oh, you don’t have a bathtub in your studio apartment? That’s why you’re in lockdown and the Cuomos are in the Hamptons, dummy!

Both days, I added ½ cup of Clorox to my bathwater to combat the radiation and metals in my system and oxygenate it.

But it’s not just the bleach. You’re also going to need something called a “body charger” to help you “push out” the virus. Oh, you don’t know what a “body charger” is? That’s embarrassing. Let Cristina explain.

I used a “body charger,” which energy specialist Randy Oppitz suggested I borrow from a friend. It sent electrical frequencies through my body to oxygenate my blood and stimulate the healthy production of blood cells to fortify my immune system. It also rebalanced my energy, which was gravely off from the stress of caregiving, catching the virus, fearing my kids would get it, etc. The key to healing the human body is directly related to the body’s ability to allow energy to flow through it. “I discovered in my 40-year career as a personal energy specialist that every person I ever worked with has blocked energies. The Body Charger is a device that transfers energy, breaks up, and pulls out the low frequency while replacing with a higher rate,” Oppitz told me.

It’s so simple! By the way, do any of you know where I can rent a PEMF?

I also rented a PEMF (pulsed electromagnetic field) machine, which optimizes the ability of cells to start healing. It uses low-energy fields to stimulate the self-healing mechanisms of the cells after a physical injury or a viral attack on the body’s tissues or bones. For COVID-19, it increases the speed with which your lungs and whole body can recover.

And, of course, no matter what you think of Cristina’s medical advice we all know that food is medicine. Eating healthy can give your body what it needs to help heal and you don’t need to be the rich wife of a cable news celebrity to know that. Cristina has been making sure they are eating the right foods to give their bodies the energy they need to combat the virus.

Oh, you thought she meant some extra veggies and fruits? Laughing Out Loud.

Here’s a sample of the Cuomos’ very Average American-ish menu for “quarantine” in the Hamptons.

Every day this week, Chris and I both ate an Ayurveda lunch from chef Corey de Rosa at Tapovana in Bridgehampton; his menu treats food as medicine. Aside from improving digestion, Tapovana’s dishes are also nourishing and cleansing. They focus on having balanced proportions of essential healing micro (vitamins and minerals) and macro (proteins, carbs and fats) nutrients. I had also ordered lots of comfort Italian cuisine to go from Aquolina; that way, I could freeze it and have it on hand for the kids to simply heat up.

Here’s what we ate for food as medicine:

Monday:

Breakfast: Organic coffee with oat milk; the vascular shrinkage of the caffeine helped my raging sinus headache from the inflamed pressure. Liver-cleansing smoothie. Chris had English muffins with almond butter.

Lunch: Chickpeas and spinach, which is high in B vitamins; lemon rasam—a high immunity-building soup; and mango chutney for digestion.

Dinner: Soup made with organic chicken stock, spinach, carrots, ginger, nutmeg and black pepper, for respiratory health.

Tuesday:

Breakfast: Green tea (caffeinated). Liver-cleansing smoothie. Chris had oatmeal.

Lunch: Cabbage, asparagus—a kidney cleanser—and chayote sambar (chayote is a tropical squash that hydrates the body and is high in vitamin C), with a lentil stew; mango with cardamom and cashews, a tissue-builder that’s also delicious

Dinner: Aqualina’s zucchini-and-mint soup and mushroom crepes.

This is exactly the same thing that people were complaining about in 2016. It’s the absolute tone-deafness of elites in the media that enraged Americans enough to flip the script that fateful November. No one wants people to die. Those of us in at-risk groups certainly aren’t eager to find out if we’ll succumb to this virus or not. But the majority of Americans don’t have the privilege of jetting back and forth between mansions and purchasing Peruvian bark. Also, we don’t take kindly to being lectured about our “ignorance” while some people rent “body chargers” to blast coronavirus out of their chakras. The Cuomo brothers have plenty of criticism for Trump and for those of us who think America needs to get back to work but seem perfectly fine to let Mrs. Cuomo reenergize their low-energy fields.

Cristina Cuomo wasn’t even in full quarantine for a week. Apparently, she feels her efforts have healed her body. And maybe she’s right! If she is, shouldn’t Chris be covering this? Shouldn’t this extremely rich family be making sure every American has a body-charger and vitamin drips? Then we could all be satisfied that the virus is defeated and we could all get back to work.

In conclusion…this is how we got Trump.