Erika Anderson of Brooklyn, NY married herself.
On the rooftop of her Brooklyn apartment building this past spring, Erika Anderson put on a vintage-style white wedding dress, stood before a circle of her closest friends, and committed herself — to herself.
“I choose you today,” she said. Later she tossed the bouquet to friends and downed two shots of whiskey, one for herself and one for herself. She had planned the event for weeks, sending invitations, finding the perfect dress, writing her vows, buying rosé and fresh baguettes and fruit tarts from a French bakery. For the decor: an array of shot glasses emblazoned with the words “You and Me.” In each one, a red rose.
In a Good Housekeeping article, Anderson says that after a divorce felt that single women were treated as somewhat inferior to married women and she was looking for a way to reaffirm her single life.
“When you’re single, society tells you that you are a woman who has not been chosen by someone else,” she says. “I decided to choose myself. It was an act of defiance.”
In a time when a man who mutilates his body to declare himself a woman is considered “heroic” and “non-binary gender theory” is actually a thing that people debate and discuss, marrying oneself doesn’t seem like a stretch. Anderson and her compatriots at Good Housekeeping might think of the act as empowering, but in reality it is nothing but yet another symptom of a society that is increasingly self absorbed and lacking in any sense of purpose or meaning.
These days everyone feels the need to announce themselves as…something. You’re no one until you’ve told everyone exactly who you think you are. In fact, if you want to be considered the ideal “somebody” you must first be oppressed for being you and then you have demand that everyone accept you being you by law. Only then can you claim the mantle of “special.”
In this country it used to be we found purpose outside of ourselves. Faith in God was a daily part of American life, the American routine. Praying in school, at events and other public places offered us daily reminders that there was something bigger than us; that we were created with a plan and a purpose. Before government programs became the replacement for things we used to do ourselves, we found contentment and satisfaction in earning, rearing solid families, contributing to society with charity and ingenuity. Our identities didn’t need to be announced to the world, they simply…were. They resided in the very act of living, of understanding that we are special simply because we are created.
Confidence was the direct result family and faith.
Then we replaced prayer in school with “Kindness Week” and affirmations. We replaced the anchor of the healthy family – fathers – with government programs designed to encourage broken families and dependence. We replaced faith in God with faith in man – a losing proposition everywhere it’s been tried. We replaced earning with entitlement.
In short, we have created generations of Americans who have no sense of themselves anymore and therefore must deliberately search out “special.”
Anderson and others like her may think they’re declaring a type of confidence and self-reliance but really they are putting a neon sign over their heads that says, “I’m broken and confused. Please validate me by noticing me.”
Of course, the idea of marrying oneself is also ridiculous in the respect that marriage involves two people (no, I don’t count polygamy). We may have changed the definition of who we can consider married, but we’ve never, ever thought of it as a solo institution. Marriage serves several purposes for humanity. It is the foundation of the family, it allows for the growth of the human spirit by learning to live as a helper and partner to another person, it promotes maturity, and teaches us that love is not an emotion but a choice. It teaches us sacrifice.
Self-marriage is the opposite, as revealed in it’s very own label – SELF. It is selfish. There are no risks taken. You don’t sacrifice anything for anyone to be with yourself. You literally cannot get away from yourself. It’s the one thing that is with you all the time. How sacrificial is that? You don’t mature and grow from the push and the pull and the ups and the downs of being in a full-time relationship with another human being. You serve no one outside of yourself (within the context of marriage).
Self-marriage is just a messed up term for self-confidence. There was a day when one did not need to buy oneself a ring and extort “wedding gifts” from friends to attain it. I’m sorry ladies, this is not “empowering” by any stretch of the imagination. At the very least it is unnecessary. At worst it is self-indulgent, narcissistic whining.
And it also seems like a pretty great way to make sure no man will ever propose to you. I’m not a man, but I feel confident that were I one that I would run screaming from the first date who told me she actually went to the trouble to marry herself. Buh-bye.
One more thing – isn’t it funny that we only see women doing this?
Things that make you go hmmmmm….and SMH….and WTF.