How to Survive the Thanksgiving Survival Guides

They’re everywhere – guides on how to survive political conversations during holiday gatherings with the Trump voter sitting next to you.

The post-election world is filled with trembling liberals who can’t fathom that anyone might hold differing views. To the Left, diversity of thought should only be encouraged if it produces like thinking.

Realizing that family and friends may also be MAGA supporters has spurred several holiday-themed guides to help ease uncomfortable encounters.

And the results are as safe-spacey as you would expect.

Over at The New York Times you’ll find How Could You? 19 Questions to Ask Loved Ones Who Voted the Other Way. Suggested questions include:

Are we close?

How do you think our views came to be so different?

Do you think I’m sexist or racist?

And to end the talk, a question which won’t be, you know, incredibly awkward or anything.

Do you still like me?

Next is The Huffington Post, whose concern about your mental health manifested itself into A Handy Self-Care Guide For When Politics Come Up At Thanksgiving.

Mentally prepare beforehand.

“It’s a fact of life that people carry different belief systems,” Sheperis told HuffPost. “You should feel free to call it what it is but not get too into the weeds.”

Have a friend on speed dial.

Sheperis also recommends having a trusted ally you can call up should you start to feel upset or overwhelmed.

Stay in tune with your body.

If the conversation does steer to politics, check in with yourself. Pay attention for physical signs that you’re distressed, including an increased heartbeat, sweating, tearfulness or holding your breath, Sheperis says.

Oh my. Should these people even leave their safe spaces?

For the militant feminist, there’s How to Talk to Your Family About Planned Parenthood This Thanksgiving. Because nothing says “let’s keep the peace” like trying to convince relatives that $500 million in taxpayer funds should continue going to the nation’s largest abortion provider when it’s clear they don’t need it. But Planned Parenthood shared these talking points anyway:

Planned Parenthood has been here for 100 years. It’s not going anywhere.

Planned Parenthood will never back down and never stop fighting to ensure that patients have access to the care they need, no matter their race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, income, country of origin, or zip code.

Planned Parenthood supporters have power.

Since the election, there’s been an outpouring of support for Planned Parenthood that is so big it reflects the unending power of the reproductive rights movement. Case in point: Over 182,000 people have donated to Planned Parenthood since Nov. 8 (including 46,000 donations in Mike Pence’s name).

Oh perfect! Then Planned Parenthood will have no problem funding itself.

Lastly, you can even text for help, as The Washington Post informs you in Stuck in an uncomfortable talk about politics this Thanksgiving? There’s a hotline to help.

Inspired by Butterball’s decades-old hotline that provides turkey-cooking help over the holiday season, SURJ’s version invites anyone to text SOS to 82623 to receive a menu of hot-button topics including immigration, the economy, a “Muslim ban” and when someone says “I’m not a racist.” Then SURJ will send a brief talking point on that topic to help guide the conversation.

If the text prompt won’t do, there will also be representatives standing by to call the person and coach them through how to respond thoughtfully and not aggressively.

I happily sent an SOS to the number above this morning just to check the absurdity. Thankfully, I don’t need their talking points – or a counselor – to get through the day.

As a voter who supported neither major party candidate, I consider holiday guides to be yet another example of this coddled society’s aversion to basic function. I disagree with the Trump, Hillary, and Bernie supporters in my family. But being an adult who has grown since my elementary school juice break days, I can handle it.

So here’s my guide for Thanksgiving day and all the days hereafter: