Politico's Hard Hitting Investigative Report On... Donald Trump's Real Height?

Years from now, when digital archaeologists are scouring the remains of American culture, they will scour the bastions of public information looking for clues as to what led to America’s intellectual implosion and eventual downfall. When they do, they will come across this story and all shall be made clear.

Donald Trump and his doctor claim he’s 6-foot-3, but his New York driver’s license says he’s actually an inch shorter.

A copy of Trump’s license, obtained by POLITICO through an open-records request, lists the president-elect at 6-foot-2.

This, my dearest friends and readers, is what we like to call a “non-story.” There’s a lot to take in here, more to be written about this than is actually written in the story itself. Let’s start with the lede here: If someone presented this story idea to me and wrote this lede, I would laugh and laugh. And then I would cry. However, this person, who is clearly the type of journalist we’ve come to know and hate over the last several years, would have continued writing the story anyway.

It may just be an inch, but size apparently matters to Trump. A letter that the businessman candidate displayed this summer from his longtime gastroenterologist — while appearing on the Dr. Oz show — stated he was 6-foot-3, though media reports were quick to point out discrepancies.

Slate, for example, posited that Trump was adding an inch to his height to avoid crossing into obesity territory — he also weighed 236 pounds — on the BMI index. That Slate article pointed to multiple media that pegged Trump as 6-foot-2, including Google, though the search engine now has Trump at 6-foot-3.

Sweet mother of mercy, he’s trying to get around the BMI index. He is truly the villain the media has been calling him.

I have so many questions here. Did Politico actually learn the lessons of 2016? Is there someone over there who recognized this was a terrible story and tried to put a stop to it? Are they aware that Slate is anything but a neutral source on the subject of literally anything about any Republican? Are they now in the business of fake news?

This is a prime example of why Trump got away with bashing the ever-loving hell out of the media, and why not only his supporters, but large swaths of the American public simply do not watch, listen to, or read the news from places like this anymore. When you are trying to gin up controversy over something as asinine as what Donald Trump’s real height is, you have proven the critics of the media correct.