Special Snowflakes Don't Have to Take Exams if They're "Traumatized" By Trump Election

President-elect Donald Trump pumps his fist after giving his acceptance speech as his wife Melania Trump, right, and their son Barron Trump follow him during his election night rally, Wednesday, Nov. 9, 2016, in New York. (AP Photo/John Locher)

Our academic institutions are actually cancelling tests and exams to allow students a chance to mentally digest Tuesday’s election results. Primarily because college kids today are special snowflakes who melt at the idea of someone they don’t like running the entire country.

A University of Michigan psychology professor delayed an exam until next week and wished students good fortune during this “tumultuous time.” Some Columbia University professors postponedmidterms as well. A University of Connecticut professor excused students from attending class. And at Yale University, one professor decided to make an upcoming exam optional.

Administrators were quick to reassure students that universities offer myriad counseling options.

“This election has been unusual in that specific statements were made about various groups of people who often feel marginalized and unsafe,” wrote Northwestern University Vice President Patricia Telles-Irvin in a campuswide email. “Partisan, inflammatory statements unfortunately seem to be part of modern campaign rhetoric, but they cause real wounds. As we move beyond a divisive election, we therefore recognize the need for healing of those wounds. With this in mind, we want to extend support to those students who are experiencing difficulty at this time.”

These are young adults who are out in the world, receiving an education they are supposed to use in order to work and survive in the world we live in. They should not be allowed to play the part of a withering flower, starved of good feelings. They should be told to suck it up, get used to life not always working out like you want it to, and made to actually do what they are responsible for doing.

I swear to God, I’m like a hair trigger away from shouting about these kids and their damn music next.