The first week of January requires that everyone make 2022 predictions. It’s a law. Here are mine.

1. A university offers an athletic (swimming) scholarship to a fish.
2. Liz Cheney runs for president of a local bingo club and is soundly defeated.
3. Hillary Clinton announces a third run for second place.
4. California passes legislation that allows for in vitro COVID vaccinations and a child is born, wearing a mask.
5. AOC’s eyes literally pop out of her head after her Abuela announces she’s a Republican.
6. Brian Stelter finally identifies as the thing he is…a potato.
7. Biden announces that the White House will be known as the Whxte House.
8. Twitter bans “Let’s,” and “Go,” and “Brandon.”
9. Jen Psaki announces she’s not really a redhead and is praised for being honest, for once.
10. Nancy Pelosi spontaneously combusts leaving ash in a pattern that appears to be “666.”