The Next James Bond Movie: "No Time to Dye"

The producers of the wildly successful 007 series have suggested that the next iteration of James Bond might be non-binary. In an interesting twist, they ruled out the possibility that James Bond IV would or could be a woman. I’m not buying it -– any of it. If I have my 2021 gender terms in order, non-binary could be a biological female or male who decides that they are neither. It chances with who is listening.

“West Side Story” was remade with an “anti-racist” message. Meaning it sucks. Audiences stayed away. Spanish is spoken without subtitles. You can’t have English subtitles because, racism. Yeah, it doesn’t have to make sense. Read Brandon Morse’s terrific take here.

Now, there’s a movie about Anne Boleyn, the beheaded second wife of Henry the VIII. The lead is played by a Black actress named Jodie Turner-Smith

According to the Smithsonian Magazine, pointing out that the real Anne Boleyn was white, is harmful and unnecessary. Smith Mag blasts critics for pointing out the obvious. What’s the big deal haters – Merle Oberon was Indian and she played the part in a 1933 movie so, shut up. Yeah, except, Oberon wasn’t an Indian. Oberon was born in Bombay India. But she was conceived by white Brit raping a 12 year old who was, maybe, ¼ Asian. None of that was known when she was cast for the role of Anne Boleyn role 88 years ago. And the reaction might be different if say, a movie was made about Harriet Tubman, and Jennifer Lawrence was cast as the lead. The outrage highway is a one way street.

I wouldn’t’ be surprised if the producers threw a wrench in the James Bond story arch, bringing back Daniel Craig to play  “double O” something. This time, like a TV soap opera he’ll play the long lost transgender twin of James Bond. Bond, Jamie Bond – the Bond that Spector never found.

Plot: In a few years, MI6 is out-woking British cops and the Queen’s courts. The worst felony in the Empire is misgendering. The British secret service launches Mission Misgendering.  “M” or “N” or “O” or whatever the next letter head of MI 6 is, finds Jamie Bond (they/them).  “They/them” is given “double O” pronoun. Jamie Bond sets out, license to kill, burying dead names everywhere.

Working Title:  “No Time to Dye” The title could transition to another name. Stay tuned.


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