CODE RED: Musings of a Liberal Soccer Mom, Page 2

(The continuing saga The “Louder-Weinners.”  They are a fictitious family of rich, white, woke leftists. Carrin, Stan, and their daughter Krista Clare live in LaLa Land. Although their stories are fictitious, their adventures are based on years of observing people like them. Any resemblance to actual wokesters is completely coincidental.)

Page 2

I’ve never felt so ashamed. I was high from a bong hit. My eyes closed listening to the news on MSNBC. I thought I was listening to Chris Hayes, but when I opened my eyes it was Rachel Maddow. Stan was at the office so no one saw me point and blurt out “lesbian!”

I felt so ashamed. I have lots of lesbian friends. I mean lots. And Rachel is, like, my favorite lesbian, so I think I must have just said the first good thing that came to my mind. I wish I was a lesbian, and then it would have been ok to say that, right?  I’m so glad it wasn’t Al Sharpton. Anyway, I won’t tell Krista or Stan. They would twist it.

So, Rachel was talking about a poor ER doctor in Oklahoma who was dealing with hundreds of idiots who took cow de-wormers and were filling every bed in the hospital! Oh my god, that idiot Joe Rogan! He should be arrested for murder!

Update – it turns out that the story was wrong. I’m betting that someone at Fox News hacked that poor doctor’s account as they did with Joy Reid’s Twitter account. Anyway, it still could have happened. I mean, it’s Oklahoma. I’ve flown over Oklahoma many times, and it looks awful so it could have happened. Right?

Stan is working late this week. He said the ACLU is suing the state of California. Apparently, a Native American Shaman has channeled a wise Grizzly bear in Alaska. Because his fellow Grizzlies were hunted to extinction in California the Grizzly named Long Claw wants California to remove all reference to Grizzlies on California state seals. I’m so proud of Stan. Long Claw doesn’t have opposable thumbs so he can’t write the pleading himself so Stan is doing the work for him.

Krista Claire came home late this morning. I usually don’t hear her come home, but Maria screamed AY DIOS MIO! I know what that means. Maria screamed that when she walked into the bathroom when Stan was pleasuring himself. I rushed to the door. Krista has a tattoo! I screamed “A tattoo?! You’re 14! I didn’t give you permission!” She said Stan gave her permission. She had shown it to Maria, and Maria was upset, too. The tattoo was just block letters that read “F*ck Trump.” It was inside her mouth, on her lower lip. Krista said “See – no one can see it unless I show it. Okey?” “Krista,” I said, “I hate Trump. too, but that’s a tattoo. Trump will be in your mouth for the rest of your life.” A look of horror enveloped her. Maria giggled.