CODE RED COMIC: "Charge My Tesla, Hick"

In California, we have an abundance of stuff. Homeless, human poop in the streets leftist jerks, to name three. California also leads the nation in Teslas, and it’s not even close. California has almost half the Teslas on the streets. I think about half of those are in my home town. It seems like half the cars on my block are Teslas. I’m bracketed by Tesla owners. But my neighbors also have SUVs. When they travel and not commute, they take the gas-powered SUV.

Jen Psaki said her boss wants 500,000 charging stations in rural and disadvantaged areas. That’s a lot of juice. It’s also a stupid comment that requires no facts to make. It takes time to charge a Tesla, like several hours, so what are Tesla guys going to do in the middle of nowhere? Charging stations in “disadvantaged” areas sounds like an even worse idea. No offense to disadvantaged areas, but I’ve put gas in my car in a “disadvantaged area”. I was feeling like I was at the Indy 500. My head was a swivel, and I was out of the pit in about 30 seconds. I’m not going to spend 3 hours at a charging station.

My neighbors are leaving on a road trip now. In their SUV. What would happen if my neighbors decided to leave the SUV, and they hopped on Interstate 5, headed to grandma’s in the Tesla? After 400 miles they’re out of juice. Once the giant battery on wheels is out of juice they’d be screwed. You can’t fill your Tesla with magic juice. In any event, there aren’t a lot of charging stations in towns where the biggest employer is McDonald’s. Even if there was a charging station, wouldn’t you have to pull out the lawn chairs and wait for hours while it charged? Be a sinner. Take the SUV.

But, what happens when there’s no juice to be sucked from the power grid? California has threatened rolling blackouts. We have a lot of poop on sidewalks but not a lot of extra water or power. So Tesla guy might be stuck in NoWhereville. Hotel California is full. All that’s left is Bates Motel while your battery takes hours to charge. No air-conditioning but you got the last cottage on the row.

With apologies to the Eagles

“Last thing I remember, my Tesla
read  “no more”
I had to get back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like, Steve

you can never leave!