The Five Trump Supporters You Meet on the Internet

Categorizing people is always problematic. We’re all individuals with different sets of qualities so there’s always going to be square pegs, so this list is not comprehensive and it’s not intended to define every person supporting Trump, but here are five Trump supporters you will definitely encounter if you talk about politics on the internet long enough.


The Tough Guy

You’ll most likely encounter this one on Twitter where he’s berating “cuckservatives” for not boarding the Trump Train and riding it all the way to Crazytown. If you suggest that Trump has been less than truthful or has made a mistake, the Tough Guy will pepper you with personal attacks and question your manhood (if you’re a man) because it takes tremendous courage to anonymously post ad hominem to a Twitter account with eight followers—7 of which are sock puppets of the same guy. The 8th is probably a porn bot that he thinks is an actual woman who is really into him because of his newly Trumpified virility. Tough Guys always make it personal. They will attack a person’s looks, weight, hairline, or anything else but the person’s argument against Trump. Naturally they gravitate toward the candidate who has run his campaign in much the same way. They will dig up personal information on their opponents and use it against them to bully them into not speaking against Trump in much the same way Trump uses incessant threats of lawsuits against his detractors. Bullies tend to like bullies.

The True Believer

The True Believer is a zealot in Trump’s cult of personality. True Believers are the flip side to Obama’s “Organizing for Action” sycophants. Their objective is to deny every negative charge leveled against Trump even if it is true. If denial does not work then the True Believer uses some sort of contorted logic to prove why Trump’s negatives are really a positive. For the True Believer, Trump is never wrong about anything and Trump is the answer to all our problems. They believe this despite Trump’s inconsistency on virtually every issue. Disturbingly, the class of True Believers includes a bunch of people who think that the current condition of America is a direct result of the mistreatment of white people. White supremacists, Ku Klux Klan members, neo-Nazis—being a Trump supporter doesn’t mean you believe what those people believe, but for some reason, believing what those people believe tends to make them Trump supporters. The True Believer still thinks that Ted Cruz is a sex machine who makes Bill Clinton look like a eunuch. They may not be 100% convinced that Rafael Cruz killed JFK, but they’re not convinced that he didn’t do it either. Amongst the True Believers you’ll probably find a healthy dose of chem-trail alarmists, moon landing deniers, anti-vaxxers, alien abductees, and people who think you can cure cancer with the right combination of essential oils.


The Party Drone

The Party Drone is resigned to Trump being the Republican nominee even though he may have preferred a different candidate. The Party Drone will likely repeat some form of “Anyone is better than Hillary” ad nauseum in political discussions. He will accuse anyone not supporting Trump of directly supporting Hillary. The idea that anyone with an “R” next his name could be just as bad as Hillary is as opaque to him as quantum mechanics is to Jose Canseco. How could the candidate be objectively bad? He’s a Republican. He plays for my team.  The Drone is analogous to a football fan who is as forgiving as a saint to the franchise running back who got busted for murdering twelve hookers and a llama in a cocaine fueled spree of sexual violence…until that player gets traded to a rival team.  If Donald Trump were running in the Democrat Party primary with all else about his campaign being the same as it is now, the Drone would be having conniptions about Trump’s self contradiction, his lack of moral character, and a dozen other things that the #NeverTrump gang probably hasn’t even thought of criticizing yet. Sadly the Party Drone category includes a lot of leaders and former candidates whom were thought to be principled conservatives.

The Gold Digger

The Gold Digger is possibly the most cynical Trump supporter. He looks at the True Believers and the Party Drones and sees dollar signs. There are millions of Trump supporters and all of them are starving for red meat. The Gold Digger is happy to oblige. The Gold Digger’s web site will use headlines offering readers the chance to read third hand accounts of how Trump or a surrogate ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED someone or something anti-Trump. The masses will click the link resulting in masses of cash flowing into The Gold Digger’s bank account. Gold Diggers are also leveraging the Trump hysteria in other ways. They’re writing hagiographical books about Trump that the cult of Trump will buy (but probably never read), getting chummy with Trump on their radio show, or using their Trump cult status to get their face on television. The Trump cult is a cash cow and it will be milked dry no matter what must be said, written, or published.


The Arsonist

The Arsonist is more than likely a libertarian minded individual who has had a belly full of status quo politics from the two major parties who for him are virtually identical. They’ve screwed him over too many times to count and he sees Trump as the “Fat Man” to the GOP’s Nagasaki. Deep down, the Arsonist knows that Trump is a con artist but he hates the Washington elite so much that he doesn’t care. Supporting Trump is a form of revenge and his way of flipping the bird to the two party system. The main problem with burning something down though—as satisfying as it may be—is that you can’t un-burn it. Chesterton said not to tear down a fence until you know why it was put up in the first place. Likewise, you shouldn’t burn anything down until you know it isn’t going to be replaced with something worse.



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