The Woke Mob Has Gotten to Mars, Incorporated—Hands off My M&Ms, You Fascists

(AP Photo/Andy Wong)

First, it was the writers, then it was the comedians… but when you start coming for my favorite candy?! Baby, it is ON.

From The Hill:

Candy is about to get more “inclusive,” with the maker of M&M’s announcing its famed characters are getting modern makeovers and will have more “nuanced personalities.”

Mars, Incorporated, the company behind the colorful, candy-coated chocolates, announced Thursday a “global commitment to creating a world where everyone feels they belong and society is inclusive.”

As part of the new mission to increase the “sense of belonging for 10 million people around the world by 2025,” Mars said the M&M’s characters — who serve as mascots of sorts for the brand — would be receiving fresh, new looks.

This is sheer ridiculousness. While the animation and marketing is very cute and clever, all I care about is whether the chocolate is chocolatey, the peanuts are salty and crunchy, and if the candy gives me the requisite serotonin increase, along with the dopamine rush.

Team Peanut M&Ms here. But, I’m sure I speak for the majority of M&M lovers everywhere.

The green M&M, previously seen in ads posing seductively and strutting her stuff in white go-go boots, will now sport a pair of sneakers. A description for the green candy on the M&M’s website says she enjoys “being a hypewoman for my friends.”

“I think we all win when we see more women in leading roles, so I’m happy to take on the part of supportive friend when they succeed,” the green M&M said on the promotional site.

Another character, the brown M&M, described her motto as, “Not bossy. Just the boss.”

Does anyone think they are trying neuter womanhood here? I’m a sneaker girl myself, but why snip away at a mostly feminine preference, and dare I say, asset? I am straight, but I can admire a woman in high heels, and it doesn’t diminish me that a majority of women love them, even if I don’t. Why is Mars, Incorporated now diminishing them?

From the UK Daily Mail:

The biggest changes appear to be to the two explicitly female M&Ms, the green and brown ones. Mars, the maker of the candies, has been criticized in the past for making the green M&M too sexy, and either pushing a rivalry or a possible flirtation with the brown M&M.

Both the green and the brown M&Ms are COCs—Candies of Color; so how is their competitive rivalry and flirtatiousness evidence of Candy Supremacy? Do these changes truly reflect, “a more dynamic, progressive world?”

Many of us have a better idea on how Mars, Incorporated could be more progressive:

That WaPo article was back in 2019, but apparently not much has changed with the way Mars, Incorporated and these other manufacturers harvest their chocolate. In February of 2021, The Guardian reported on a lawsuit filed against the major chocolate makers, including Mars, Incorporated. The now adult children who were forced to harvest chocolate for these entities sued for damages and emotional distress.

Eight children who claim they were used as slave labour on cocoa plantations in Ivory Coast have launched legal action against the world’s biggest chocolate companies. They accuse the corporations of aiding and abetting the illegal enslavement of “thousands” of children on cocoa farms in their supply chains.

Nestlé, Cargill, Barry Callebaut, Mars, Olam, Hershey and Mondelēz have been named as defendants in a lawsuit filed in Washington DC by the human rights firm International Rights Advocates (IRA), on behalf of eight former child slaves who say they were forced to work without pay on cocoa plantations in the west African country.

The plaintiffs, all of whom are originally from Mali and are now young adults, are seeking damages for forced labour and further compensation for unjust enrichment, negligent supervision and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Of course, this would require a different kind of WOKE. Like most of these progressive corporations, it’s all about the bright, shiny objects and optics, with little actual change. Mars, Incorporated even redesigned the M&Ms website to celebrate these candy changes, and offers a Q&A to give fans insight into how the M&Ms feel about the changes and their role.

I. Kid. You. Not.

Pure insanity, but most of the Woke agenda is. It would be laughable, if it wasn’t so dangerous.