This week, during the repair of a gas main in the parking lot of Bob’s Big Boy in Burbank, California, construction workers uncovered a chest filled with old parchment papers. The papers were quite possibly left behind during the establishment of one of California’s earliest Missions. Presented here for the first time are the newly unearthed ‘quatrains’ from the master-of-predicting-disaster himself— Nostradamus. They’re timely, for sure!

Quatrain EFEFVOC      (The Mystery of Covfefe?)

And yea, deep down in the trench, there dwells the one of golden helmet.

For he like the bird, doth tweet the gales of descent.

Hark, the wind hath changed, for the golden bird sings and hath called forth Covfefe the Destroyer!

And this can not be undone.

Lo to the Pelosis

Lo to the Franken,

Covfefe comin’ down, gonna give ya’ll a spankin’.

Quatrain V-I—V-II   (The troubles of Deuschland?)

The Germanic ones are in Murkel waters,

crying like the babe who is forced to stand on its own.

It is time to crawl out from under the skirt of the mother—

it is time to stand strong and unite… for the Fatherland!

Wait… strike that.

Quatrain GMAN   (Former FBI Director Comey?)

Where doth the Coomeay stand? With the anointed one, or the crowd of knives?

Hath not he the stones?

Coomeay-Coomeath

Coomeay-Coomeay-Coomeay-chameleon

Ye come and go, ye come and go-a-ho-ho.

Quatrain YLGU     (Kathy Griffen?)

Beware of the mythical Griffen, for it flies too close to the anger of the Gods.

The choice of the deception is a chopped head’s reflection,

And this I say unto you, oh brethren of the east, west and central time zones,

You ain’t gonna see this broad no mo’.