Mike Misses Valentine’s Day Dinner

This is a reprint of a previous humor piece. Enjoy!!

Happy Sunday Everyone. Hope this week’s offering is satisfactory.

Mike Misses Valentine’s Day Dinner

As my friends know, a few years ago Her Majesty Queen Teresa & I retired to a little cottage in Alabama, unfortunately, 20 miles downwind from my Army buddy, Sam Pearson. The events of this past Valentine’s Day played out in and around this locale.


I left the house about 0830, telling Her Majesty that I was going to get some tools & other stuff from Home Depot over in Pell City. On the way out the door, I answered her query, “What time will you be home?” with, “Probably about 1330; I’ll grab some chow at Mickey D’s, no need to make lunch” At my rapidly retreating back she hollered, “Don’t forget it’s….” something or other. Side note: She complains I have two major issues…I don’t listen and…something else.

Well, 1330 came & went; 1530 passed; 1815, still not home. Finally, at about 1900, I roll in the driveway and walk in the front door. Her Majesty, for some reason, appeared somewhat irate. “You missed our Valentine’s Day Dinner; Where the h**l have you been?” she growled, as only a former High School Principal can.

I put on my most contrite face and related the following:

I found everything I needed at Home Depot by about 1130, had lunch and had started home when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. Of course, I stopped to help. After a bit of a struggle, I finally got the tire changed. She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer.

She said, “There’s a tavern just up the road called “The Dog House,” and they have a restroom where you can clean up a bit.” I agreed, so we stopped there and we had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door, the one that rents rooms by the hour. And that is why I am so late getting home.


Not even batting an eye, Her Majesty looked at me and said in that Principal’s voice, “Don’t BS me you (insert noun for male of uncertain parentage); YOU WENT HUNTING WITH THAT NE’ER DO WELL SAM PEARSON, DIDN’T YOU?”

Happy Sunday again. Have a great week!

Mike Ford is a retired Infantry Officer who writes on Military, Foreign Affairs and occasionally dabbles in Political and Economic matters.

You can find his other Red State work here.

He is also (reluctantly) on Twitter: @MikeFor10394583



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